Making Love To You Was Never Second Best

For whatever reason–maybe because I’m writing a blog now, maybe because being single has become my signature problem–the ladies in my office often bring articles to my attention that deal with being single.  The latest one caused an office discussion that, as usual, landed me on the opposite side of the popular opinion.

An article in The Atlantic debates the age old question:  is it better to settle or be alone? The author and I agree–SETTLE!

Now hold on before you get your feminist panties in a proverbial twist, hear me out.  I’m not saying you should run out and grab the first thing with a penis and slap a wedding ring on it.  I’m saying…if you’ve got a good thing going, let your heart give in to it.  Out rule your head for once, ladies.  If you’re in your late twenties, and you’ve been dating someone for more than a year and it’s good, then go for it! Marry him, have your babies, and be happy.

As girls we’re constantly told to be independent, live our lives as we want to, and don’t let a man hold us back.  But don’t we also, as independent ladies, desire a partnership? A marriage? A family? True, it’s simple to have a family without a husband.  I don’t know about all of you, but for me, I’d like to have a family that has two parents. I’m looking for a partnership when it comes right down to it.  Someone who shares the same values as I do, who wants to raise children to be better people in this crazy world. At the core of everything, I want someone who wants to work with me. And in the end, looks..charismatics…dates…it’s all whatever, to me.  I’m looking for a partner to share all these things with me.

So the gist of this article, to me, is that once you’ve found someone good enough, don’t keep looking.  Don’t dismiss your boyfriend because he isn’t ‘romantic’, don’t run from a date because there is no ‘spark’.  All of these buzz words are just that–buzz words.  What do they really mean, anyway? And will you be sure when you find it? Who honestly knows. The point is that real, lasting relationships aren’t full of stand-outside-your-bedroom-with-a-boombox moments.  They’re filled with real moments of kindness, of gratitude.  So just because nobody’s written a song about you lately doesn’t mean they don’t love your, or can’t love you in the future.

And if you don’t act now, what’s going to be left isn’t going to be that exciting.  Divorced men with children who hate you, the perpetual bachelor that is reluctant to settle, the man with mommy issues…the list goes on and on.

I guess what really changed my mind about this article was the thought it sparked within me.  Life isn’t a fairytale.  Men don’t come in and sweep you off your feet.  Real life is just that…real.  There are good times and bad times in a partnership.  Sometimes you’re close, sometimes you’re drifting.  But if you always come back to square one, then it’s okay.  And I’m not saying you should marry your douche bag boyfriend who doesn’t listen, or the guy that keeps asking you out but you’re reluctant to date.  I’m saying, when you find that someone who makes you happy, who treats you right, and who wants the same things you do…don’t dismiss it.  Take a genuine look at what you have.  And then take the leap.  Leave the Mommy-Issue-Divorcees to people like me.  Of course, if I had learned this lesson before now, I wouldn’t be settling.  Ironic, isn’t it?