Most every Tuesday I answer questions submitted by readers on my formspring.me account. I invite questions or insight anonymously on the site and answer them in a post the following week. Submit your questions for next week’s edition by clicking this link. Link opens in a new window.
This is a difficult question for me to answer, mostly because I don’t think I’ve ever had any balance with regard to personal space in a relationship. The Boyfriend and I went from casually dating to spend every possible moment together in high school, and then in college it only got ‘worse’. Of course, at the time, I loved it. I didn’t know that sometimes when I got frustrated, angry, or upset, that what I was really craving was some personal space. It’s funny how you don’t know things when you are young, isn’t it?
Immaturity leads us to believe that physical proximity is the only way to make sure that someone loves us, that we love them, and that everything is ‘all right’. So you spend every possible waking moment either together, or planning your time to be together, or asking where the other person is.
From experience, I know that you lose quite a bit of yourself when you attach to someone so completely. In a healthy relationship, there should be a distinct “you”, “me” and “we”. But I let things get to the point that “me” bothered me, and any sign of a “you” was a sign of danger, and the only acceptable state was “we”. But when the “we” crumbled, I didn’t have a “me” left. And that was probably the most depressing thing of all.
It’s incredibly important to me to have space, to spend time doing things I want to do. I don’t want to be ‘that girl’ who never sees her friends because she has to be on top of someone seven days a week, keeping track of their whereabouts and doing everything with someone else. It took a lot of work to get back to me…I don’t want her going away again.
Of course, there is a limit to how much space you need and at some point, you’ve got to be aware that you’re putting up fences to keep people out…and that isn’t conducive either. But I think it’s far more dangerous and tempting to eliminate your own personal space.
This is the 100th Post on The Blind Leading the Blonde! Not too shabby since May, eh? xoxo! The Blonde.