Reverb10

I have been doing this Reverb10 project, but haven’t had anything relevant to post. I find the topics entertaining, but I have yet to relate one back to me, my growth toward a relationship, or dating. But today’s prompt seems like something I would normally work through here on this blog. So in addition to writing for myself, I’d like to post it here as well.  You may see several more of the Reverb10 posts from me, and you may not..as I don’t know the topics ahead of time! Here’s today’s prompt:

Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and
what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you
different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

I spend a lot of time stuck in my head, in my own thoughts.  And often I see someone who is married, or in a relationship, or doing something I sort of wish I was doing..and I think I’m The Blonde.  And I have *SO* much more to offer in a relationship! Why do they get it and I don’t?

But I read the prompt and I sat down to write and I couldn’t really come up with much.  But I know that there has to be something about me that is different, maybe not different from every single other person in the world, but different enough that I can stand up and say “Take a look at me.”

I think I am mainly proud about two things with regards to my personality, and I think these two things make me different from most people, males and females.

1) I am proud that I have a great sense of humor.  I enjoy dishing out the humor, but I can also take it.  Last year, on a trip to Vegas, I was hanging out with someone I had just met hours earlier–a friend of a friend.  And he was mercilessly teasing me, mostly because I was inebriated and deserved some poking! And all of a sudden, I looked up from my seat, smiled the biggest smile, and let him have it back.  I cannot remember his crack, I cannot remember my crack…but I remember his response.  He looked at our mutual friend and said “This girl is incredible! Most people would have cried by now…but she’s dishing it right back at me.  You are one of the most awesome people I’ve met.”

I think of people who are unable to take jokes but are able to dish them out, and I find them to be such bad sports.  And for some reason, that’s one of my least favorite traits in human-beings.  I think I am different from a lot of people in that I am not a bad sport.  I’m willing to play the game, both by taking the heat and giving it out, all while smiling and knowing it’s in good fun.

2) I am ready to have fun.  I didn’t realize that it was so rare to find people who are willing to have a good time until I became someone who was willing to have a good time.  Long ago, before I was The Blonde.. I was The Girlfriend.  And I wasn’t fun.  I was reserved and had certain notions about what was and was not ‘for me’.  And because I wanted to be ‘above that’ or, I’ll say it, smarter than everyone else..I eliminated a lot of things that I found out later I really am interested in trying.  The new Blonde has found a joie de vivre in trying new things and branching out.

Besides finding a lot of things enjoyable, I’ve also found that it’s hard to find other people who are also similarly open.  I look at everything I do as a potential extremely-awesome-situation.  And yeah, sometimes I’m disappointed.  The training session I was in this morning wasn’t ground-breaking nor did it erupt into a break-dance-session.  But I went into it with an open mind, expecting to have a good time and at the very least….it was just a change of pace. A breath of fresh air in an otherwise average week.  Maybe my sense of always being on the edge of possibility could be summed up by saying I’m optimistic now.  And for some reason, I feel like that’s a rare trait.

So…I think these are two things that do, indeed, make me beautiful and give me a leg up on the competition out there in the dating world.  Now, how to show these things on an online dating profile…that gets a little more tricky.  But somehow I’ve got to get out of this mindset that I am awesome but nobody will ever see it.  I am awesome. But it’s my job to advertise that information to more people.

 

TBLTB Presents: Freedom Friday, Insurance Edition

Today is the last day for open enrollment for a new insurance program at work. We’re being required to switch to a higher priced program this year, and we had several choices.  Some choices involved making an agreement to reach certain health goals for a discounted (that is still more expensive than our current plan).  And of course, varying doctors participate in various programs and are not included in others. 

It’s been a stressful decision for me, actually.  I know that whatever I chose will affect me, good and bad.  It h as been a challenge to research what doctors I currently use, what I am willing and able to do to keep on the “partnership” plan to receive the discount, and determining my ability to reach a deductible.  The wrong choice would mean disaster, I suppose.

Pricing are rising, coverage is falling.  And the plan I chose requires that you meet certain health criteria or face losing your cheaper coverage.  If you have a spouse or child, they also have to meet these requirements or the entire family is moved to the more expensive, but less coverage, insurance option. 

So, today I am thankful to be single because the choice only affects me.  I do not have to worry about a spouse or child to cover on this insurance.  The choice I make will only affect my health.  I only have to worry about affording something for me.  And I control my health.  Only me.  Just me.  What I eat, when I exercise.  It affects me and ONLY  me, and only I can do something positive to influence this or negative to detract from it.

I see people around me figuring out how to cover this spouse and children with good health coverage that is affordable.  And I see the look of panic, the look of confusion on their face.  So, for now at least, I am in control of me.  And only me.  And sometimes, that freedom is pretty good.  I am making choices for myself, and even if they are the wrong choices, the only person who has to live with it…is ME!

Q&A Tuesday: You’re My Best Friend With Benefits

Cover the eyes of small children, and step outside if you’re squeamish.  This week we’re talking friends with benefits.  FWBs if you will.

 Most every Tuesday I answer questions submitted by readers on my formspring.me account.  I invite questions or insight anonymously on the site and answer them in a post the following week. Submit your questions for next week’s edition by clicking this link.  Link opens in a new window.

An anonymous user from formspring.me/theblondexoxo says:

What are your thoughts on friends with benefits?

Interesting question.  And definitely one that I consider more often than I should.  It may confuse many readers to hear that I definitely have had a couple of FWBs myself.  Once in high school (oops) and one in the last couple of years.  One ended because I got into a long-term relationship, and we remain casual friends today (casual because we are aware of our past and he is married) and the other ended because I grew attached after a series of unfortunate misunderstandings wherein I’m not sure either of us knew what we wanted.

Most people wonder why a FWB situation would be ideal.  To this I say…sometimes circumstances just aren’t going to work out.  Time, distance, whatever…it’s just not going to make a relationship.  And sometimes you’re friends with someone and you want to have sex.  In fact, I’d say most of the time if you’re in a cross gender friendship, you want to have sex.  Now, if you’ve got that sexual attraction, and you realize it’s never going to work out, but you’re still curious, what are you to do?  Sometimes, FWB scratches the itch.  

I definitely think FWBs can work, but there are important elements that have to be present in a successful FWB situation. First, you should be friends.  I think there is a difference between FWB and hook ups.  Hook ups occur between people who aren’t really friends.  FWBs are two people, in my opinion, who know one another well and have a strong sexual attraction but no desire to work out a relationship.  Having this friendship present, to me, always makes it better.  There is a sexual energy and attraction, and I find that it’s always easier to have great sex with someone you’re comfortable with.

Second, I think it’s important to be realistic.  If you have any inkling at all that you’re looking for a relationship with this person rather than just remaining friends who have hooked up, then you cannot (it bears repeating–CANNOT!) be FWB.  Why not?  Because you’ll both end up resenting one another.  The one with feelings will resent the person because they’ll feel used and toyed with.  The person without feelings will resent the “feeler” because they’re putting pressure in a place they agreed it wouldn’t be.  A world of resentment can be opened up if the terms are not agreed upon prior to the first encounter.

In the same vein, if you are in a FWB situation and someone begins to develop feelings, at any moment, it’s important to let the other person know.  I realize that it may be awkward, and you may feel guilty for ‘back tracking’ on an agreement, but by letting the person know that your feelings are in jeopardy, they can evaluate their own feelings.  Then, if they choose to stop, your feelings are saved.  They didn’t disregard you, they carefully evaluated the situation and you both made the best choice possible.  Honesty is always the best policy, but it’s absolutely pertinent in this situation. 

That might mean you only hook up once.  It might mean you keep something up for a long time.  As long as you are communicating what you are feeling, I think it’s fine.  Being open is essential.  If you’re not ready to say “Hey, sorry, I’m just not that into you”, you definitely aren’t ready to hook up with a friend. 

I think you’ve got to agree up front the terms.  Is this a one time deal? Are we going to be friends after this? Can we joke with others about this, or is this a secret?  Do you have any feelings for me beyond the friendship?  Do I need to call you tomorrow?  I realize sometimes moments just happen, so if you can’t agree to these beforehand, maybe get up the nerve to ask your friend after the incident.  Just to clear the air, and ensure that the friendship remains in tact. 

I think it’s important to note that not many of these situations pan out to real relationships.  If you’re thinking that this is something that will make a guy or girl more interested in you, you’re probably off base and shouldn’t try this.  If you’re looking for a commitment I suggest you get that first before having sex.

However, if you’re friends with someone, have a sexual energy, realistically have a grip on your feelings, AND this is something you’re interested in, have a talk with your friend. Agree to some ground rules.  But always, always, always go with your gut instinct.  If you’re at all wondering if you have feelings beyond a sexual attraction, opt OUT of the FWB.  Save yourself the misery that comes from unrequited love. And remember, never tell someone something if you think it’s what they want to hear.  This goes for FWB, significant others, friends, random people on the street.

So, FWB.  Would I do it? Yeah. Especially right now.  I am not sure where I’m going in life, not sure what the future holds.  If I found someone I was friends with and sexually attracted to, I’d find myself considering the FWB.  But not at all if I thought my heart was involved.   

Just my two cents. Take it for what it’s worth, y’all!

Side note, where did this term come from?

The State of the Blonde 2010

While some of us tend to do our reflective thinking toward the end of the year, I am more likely to do it around the time of my birthday. I find it much more pleasurable to look back on how I spent the last year from birthday to birthday, and make plans for my next year so that when I blow out candles, I have a new set of wishes. It gives me a chance to do some soul-searching and goal setting before the rest of the general public begins doing it. And hey, if I can’t succeed with these, I have a second chance in three months 😉

So today I come to you on my 26^th birthday to discuss the state of The Blonde, and ladies and gentle, The Blonde is…..mediocre. But improving every day! Things have steadily improved for me almost every single day that I was 25. Let’s look at accomplishments.

First and foremost, I started this blog. I only had a vague idea of what I wanted, but I came here, started the process, and wrote down what I was feeling. Friends made up the majority of my traffic until a very good friend passed my blog on to Instapundit. My instalanche.brought my readership to an entire new audience. And I only see bigger things coming in the future! A recent radio feature in Indianapolis is proof of this. I hope that you’ll each continue to drop by when you can and read about my adventures in dating. I am so grateful for every single person who’s ever visited this site, intentionally or not. I promise to keep blogging if you’ll keep reading.

On the dating front, I’ve made progress, but certainly not as much as I would like. I did go on a first date in July, but it wasn’t a love connection. Truthfully I probably didn’t give it a chance though. And recently the Facebook Boy debacle turned sort of sour. I am promising that I will make more attempts to meet people, that I will go on dates when asked (sans creeper-status-men), and I will be open-minded. There are a lot of ways I can change the way I am living. I like people, and I like having fun, and there is no need for me to spend so much time at home when I am so young.

On the randomness front, I did fairly well this year. While this may seem like a bad category to score high in, I really take this to mean that I am loosening up and becoming more spontaneous. Prior to this year, I had never kissed someone I didn’t know. This year, I made out with some guy in a bar on my birthday. Then, in Las Vegas, I had too many men. I was paid $20 just to speak to one, then another guy randomly grabbed me on the strip one night and tried to make out with me. I remember, vaguely, being pulled apart from some guy at a bar that same night by a friend I was travelling with, and finally, I got free drinks at one of the casinos all night from the bartender because he thought I was so adorable. I pledge to cut back on the randomness this year, as I think one year of having crazy fun is probably enough at my age. But I am loosening up!

In things that I am trying to get rid of, I am doing…okay. But I am here to pledge this, to myself, and to my readers. I will not text, call, nor respond to The Friend. 26 will be the year that I move on from this phase of my life and will not fall back on The Friend for comfort and companionship. Though I will miss this phase of my life, and I spent much of 25 getting better about this, I still haven’t been perfect. So beginning today, dear readers, I will not contact him again. It is a fresh start from the 18^th of October onward. I promise. Amen.

I climbed a waterfall and rode roller coasters this year. Two things that absolutely scared the bejesus out of me. But I am proud that this is finally the year that I can stand up and say “No more!” to fear. Whether it is a tangible fear or intangible fear, I am learning, slowly, to stand up for what I want, no matter what stands in my way. I have never had courage or confidence in my life. But I’m getting there. I hope this confidence to tackle physical obstacles bleeds over into my dating life and encourages me to be more courageous there too!

I am in a great place, health wise, as well. I am still down 100 pounds, enjoying a new body that allows me so many freedoms. I am able to run, jump, swim, and climb at my leisure. It gives me something to focus on, as well as something to be proud of. And it’s not so bad for picking up me, either. I am so proud that this is the year I held on to what I wanted and kept my weight in check. And I’m pretty proud at the attention is garnered as well!

What else do I hope to accomplish this year as The Blonde? Aside from going on more dates, I hope that I forgive myself for my past. It is my desire to acknowledge the mistakes I have made and move on from them without weighing myself down. Beginning today, I choose growth and movement for myself. There is not much I can change about the past, I can only make better choices. Cheating, jealousy, whatever it is…I control my future. I know what I want to be, and therefore I can be it. This is the year that I forgive myself. I promise you and myself.

I hope to be a better friend. I hope that I keep up the amazing friendships I have. I hope to make new friends and meet new people. I hope that I can recognize when I need to let go of relationships, too. I hope that I treat myself as well as I would treat others.

I hope that I am more confident and able to go places in order to meet guys. I want to be open-minded and willing to give them a chance. I want to not freak out when someone shows legitimate interest in me!

　

On a personal note, I hope to find myself a path that I want to be on, career and education wise. I did take the LSAT, and depending upon how things turn out, I hope to be writing this State of the Blonde next year from a law school. There are no guarantees, and I am open to the future and whatever it holds for me. But I am going to take this year and give an honest effort to finding what I want to be doing with my life. This is about me, not anyone else. I cannot control whether I write this State of the Blonde with a boyfriend next year or not, but I can control what *I* am doing. I hold my destiny here. And for the first time in a long, long time, I’m ready to accept that again.

So I really appreciate everything this blog has done for me. Through this blog I have an outlet for my humorous stories as well as the serious questions I feel like I face regarding dating as a 26-year-old female who’s back on the scene. Thanks for reading, commenting, stopping by. I appreciate everything I’ve been given.

Sext me later.

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An update on Facebook Boy.

He finally sent me a message on Facebook that wasn’t a “like” or comment on a status.  It was a private message asking what I was doing.  It was late-ish.  But I responded anyway, because I’ve been waiting for this opportunity to come up for a while.  I don’t know much about him other than, on paper, we should have something in common.  I decided, against my better judgement, to give him my number and encouraged him to text me.  I know the reviews are mixed on whether or not texting is okay, but for me, someone who HATES talking on the phone, texting is a good choice.

So he immediately texted me.  The conversation wasn’t stellar, but I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.  The last ‘first date’ I went on, I wrote off because I felt like we didn’t have much in common, conversation wise, and I sort of regret that.  Not everyone I meet is going to be my best friend from the get-go.  I tend to be a harsh critic and rarely, if ever, have I liked someone on a first meeting.  So I’m cruising with the conversation about football, the LSAT, whatever..when all of a sudden I get this gem:

FB Boy:  You’re making me think bad things.

…what? I’m sorry but if the LSAT and football get you going, God help you if I ever did start to flirt with you. 

I felt inexplicably odd.  The conversation took a major turn for the worse without me seeing that coming.  I decided to be cool and go with the flow and dive more into the subject with an innocent enough, but probing “Why’s that?”

I can’t even remember the answer, but I can assure you it was juvenile.  I bid my farewell, said I was heading to bed and would speak to him in the future.  To which I got a “Dang, now I’ve got to stop thinking!” text.  No, friend, now you need to start thinking.

I couldn’t help but think as I went to sleep about the shock and awe that was just unleashed on me.  Somehow I went from casually making conversation at a cash register to three weeks later out of the blue “exciting” someone.  Via text message.  About football.  I felt creepy and inappropriate.  After all, I am nearing the other side of my mid-twenties and he’s probably at most 21 or 22.  And his conversation skills remind me of a 14-year-old. 

Anyway, I went to bed and tried to sleep off the odd feeling.  After all, I was operating on little sleep, a huge Vols defeat, and a sore brain from the LSAT.  Maybe it was just a misunderstanding.  He seems so nice in person. 

At 10:04am on Sunday he texted me again.  It’s a little early for my taste, though I had been up for about three hours.  Again, I admonished myself for being too picky and decided to answer back.  After all, it’s nice that someone wants to talk to me, nice that someone thinks to text before 3pm.  Didn’t I spend an entire year complaining about The Friend and his lack of ability to communicate? …I digress.

Anyway, the texting again goes from nonchalant to totally inappropriate for 10:00 on a Sunday morning.  There is a suggestion that he is rolling around in bed, to which I say “I’m going to brunch, talk to you later!”

The creme de la creme came later in the evening.  He texted me and asked if I was busy this week and if I’d like to hang out.  I swear, with every fiber of my being, that I agreed simply because of this blog.  Against my better judgment I said “Sure! I am free most evenings after 6:00pm. What’s good for you?”

His next text wasn’t a suggestion of time, place or activity.  No, it was “Can I ask you a question?”

“Ah, here we go!” I thought.  Finally the meat of the situation.  He’s going to ask why I want to go out with him, or he’s going to ask if I really think I like him, or something equally juvenile but nice and redeeming in its own way. 

But no.  No.  His next text simply asked “What size bra do you wear?”

First off, inappropriate.  Inappropriate because a) we’ve just started talking and b) you were trying to ask me to go somewhere.  Second, bad form.  That sort of information seems like something a high schooler would ask.  The sexting you’re putting out there is bad, Facebook boy.  It’s not even titillating.  It’s boring and contrived and seems like you’re inexperienced.  Hey, that’s fine.  But don’t put on a front. 

The juvenile nature of the sexting makes me feel old and creepy and not at all interested.  I mean, it’s not bold. It’s timid and out-of-place.  In fact, I can recall sleeping with someone for two years before they ever even thought to ask me my bra size.  I think seeing is believing in that situation.  And this kid has definitely seen me in person!

I feel like it’s time for some serious introspective research.  Is there something on my Facebook profile that directly or indirectly says “Sext Me.” ? I was talking to a friend and I told her it was disappointing, because almost every male I’ve had contact with this year has inappropriate texted me.  Some of them were good (hey, you know who you are!) and welcome, but the last few have been flops. 

I feel like I’m getting older.  I realize I’m not old by any means, but I am getting older.  I feel like it’s time that I deal with men who can carry solid conversation, who are articulate and maybe even witty.  Someone who is able to ask me, directly, for a time to meet up without having to insinuate that we could ‘hook up’. 

I’ll admit, at first it was flattering that I’ve had so much sexting action in the last month or so.  But honestly, now it’s making me start to question myself. Am I giving off a bad vibe? Do I seem easy? I’m certainly not easy.  I do like to have fun, but I don’t think ‘fun’ and ‘ask me my bra size’ are exactly synonymous.

Pity Party

I know it’s wrong, but I definitely use Facebook to measure my life against other ‘peers’ my age.  It’s an easy trap to fall into, actually…it’s an instant case study of a group of similar aged individuals, with similar upbringings and education, all there for your scrutiny.  Who’s married, who’s parenting, who’s doing something, who’s doing nothing.  Most of the time I walk away with the feeling that I’m pretty much average.  There are those with more, and those with less, and I’m there in the middle.

It’s the same thing with exes.  It’s easy to look at their progress or lack thereof since your departure and you can determine if you’re ahead, behind, or neck-in-neck.

It’s been frustrating me, lately, that I am losing the race.  My long-term boyfriend that I dated through high school and college (The Boyfriend, if you’ve been reading..)…has definitely moved on in the two years following our split.  He’s been in a long term relationship for at least 18 months.  He may still occasionally need to know what I’m doing but for all intents and purposes, he’s moved on.

And then The Friend…he’s moved on over and over and over in the last little bit that we haven’t been speaking.  That’s not usual for him. He usually lines them up three deep as a backup.  But I’ve had to see it more lately, as I sit there in my season ticket seats every Saturday, three sections over from him.  I guess it bothers me that he fills my seat so easily, and I really don’t have anyone to fill his.

It’s not as though I try to seek out this information.  I’m an odd girl in that I don’t want to know the details.  I stay away from The Boyfriend on Facebook as much as I can; my profile is super private and I’ve blocked him from showing up in anything like mutual friends (2 years ago, the last time I could check, we had 89 friends in common). But it’s natural, I suppose, to see that I have no replacements and everyone else seems to have moved on with their lives and relationships.

I wonder, a lot, if either of them notes that I haven’t moved on.  I wonder if either of them thinks I got what I deserve, or if they’re smug about it.  Maybe they don’t care.  But I can’t help but assume that they do, occasionally, measure their own lives just like I measure mine.

It’s been bothering me this week, this lack of progress.  That’s what it feels like, at least.  That I haven’t moved on, that I’m incapable of moving on.  And I hate, hate, hate, feeling like they’re beating me.

I know it’s particularly petty, but..it’s just what I’m feeling.  Not everything about being single is a party, but sometimes it’s a pity party.

I Guess You’ll Do.

Friend sent me a funny link to a YouTube video yesterday. 

Have a watch if you’ve got time.  I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry.  It’s so real, it’s both funny and depressing! This is most definitely not the kind of settling I spoke about in a previous post. But be honest..men and women…have you ever had all these thoughts rush through your mind before actually sitting down with someone?

After my last date, I lamented that though I was pretty positive I didn’t care to see the person again, I should probably go on a second date.  “What if I’m being judgemental? What if I’m really supposed to marry this person and I’m so harsh I’m missing the point?” And a friend, wisely, said “This isn’t a google commercial, you’re not making an instant decision that leads to the rest of your life.”  But what I really think he was trying to get me to realize was that you have to live in the moment.

You can’t instantly meet someone and know that you are, or aren’t, marrying them and producing 2.5 babies.  You can either know that you want to see the person again, or you don’t want to see them again.  And sometimes you can be unsure what exactly you want.  But it’s a fool’s game to try to guess whether you’ve got a long-term future with someone after a drink or dinner.  It’s okay to go with your gut based on the moment.

I think it’s important to realize that every interaction you have, whether you’re at a bar trying to meet someone or on a first date…is simply about getting to know someone.  Putting pressure on  yourself unnecessarily doesn’t help you get to know someone.  So if you do or don’t want to see them again..that’s great.  Put your full effort into finding what the person is like, what they enjoy, and what makes them ‘tick’.  Don’t put effort into figuring out what a future would look like until you’ve at least had dinner with the person! 😉

A Thin Line Between Strong and Strange

It takes a lot of work to psych yourself up to be alone again.  Especially if you haven’t been ‘out here’, you know, in the single world, for a long time.  Sometimes you fake it until you make it, actually.  From personal experience, I started telling people how much I value this ‘alone time’ far, far before I ever felt truly blessed to be in the middle of it.

But at some point, something shifts, and you start enjoying your own company.  You start valuing the time you have alone to make a small dinner, read a book at night, or watch trash TV without having to defend your choices.  And it becomes fun. Good Lord does it become fun to do whatever you want, whenever you want!

You can do whatever, whenever.  Dinner, drinks, dancing, staying in, sleeping, turning off your phone.  You can do everything and nothing and suddenly it’s enough.

But at what point does that go too far?  When do cross over from fun, single girl to pathetic, cat lady? It’s a thought that scares me a little, I’ll be honest.  I don’t know where to draw the line.  This article, sent to me by a friend, outlines one man’s perspective on the idea of the line between happy and being “too single”.

Three stages of solitude, each with it’s own milestones, are outlined in that article. Phase one, you remember what life was like before you were single and value your new life (CHECK! How often do I write articles here stating this almost word for word?).  Phase two, you fall in love with yourself and become a little smug when you see other couples in public who are clearly suffering one of the unpleasantries of coupledom.  Um…guilty.  Way, way guilty.  It’s almost like you start dating yourself.  You take yourself to dinner, give yourself a bottle of wine.  I gotta tell you, ladies and gentlemen, I’m pretty smitten with myself these days.  But I’ve settled into the comfortable phase of the relationship with myself.

Can I tell you that I recently had an argument with myself over how I would spend my evening? Yeah.  I did.  I couldn’t decide between reading a book, watching a T.V. show, or taking a bubble bath.  I was literally so excited at all three possibilities that I had a mental “Oh no!” moment when I realized there just weren’t enough hours in the day to spend with myself.

The third phase is probably the most concerning. I’ll directly quote the author of the article who so eloquently states the position:  “Relief that I’m alone, relief that I’m no longer so hard up for someone to make me happy, relief that I can choose to be present, or be by myself.”  To me, the benchmark of this phase is when you turn from being okay with being alone for awhile. Now you’re actually relieved to be alone. There is a difference between happiness and relief, and I didn’t realize it until quite recently. I’ve hit this point, friends.

More than a few times, I’ve caught myself actually saying out loud to a friend “This is exactly why I am single.” Usually they’ve just finished a story involving a partner and an argument they’ve had.  Sometimes it’s a big issue, like religion or family functions.  Other times, it’s something miniscule.  Like, I don’t know…at what temperature the thermostat should be set.  The friend will describe the situation, tell me how it all went down, and the first thing that comes to my brain is a wave of relief that sweeps me off my feet and is intoxicating.  I’m not just relieved that I didn’t have this argument or situation, I’m literally overcome with relief that there is not a person in my life to create this problem.

Somehow, in this whole empowering life lesson I’ve been living, I’m afraid I’ve trained myself to view people, specifically the opposite sex, as a burden.  Somehow I’ve created a situation in my mind where I pick out everything bad about relationships and counter it with everything good about single life.  It’s given me some sort of Pavlovian response.  The bell dings in my head and I’m relieved to be single.

There are excellent parts of being single.  But as fun as it is to be alone, I don’t want to be perpetually alone for no reason.  Just as I don’t want to date someone for the sake of dating someone.  I want to be with the right person.  I want to experience things. I want to share.  I want, I want, I want.

So I’ve definitely crossed through the three phases of solitude.  But have I gone too far? What is the remedy for coming back?