Selling The Drama (Bachelor Number 5 Case Closed?)


So I updated you on Monday with the constant betting war that my friends and colleagues were having with regards to the “Thing That is Wrong with Bachelor Number 5”.  Notable  guesses included “he’s female”, “he’s married” and “he’s got a physical impairment”.

After a few comments on the blog, I was really starting to lean toward the “he has a girlfriend/fiance/wife/family of 17” theory.  I mean, it was a strong possibility that he had speech impediment because I had never heard his voice and he’s reluctant to use the phone.  But, after reading some sound theory on the matter, I figured that was also just another sign that he probably already had a lady in his life and keeping things in text form was probably easier than having a phone ring unpredictably.  By last evening, as I sat watching a storm pass on my front porch, I just sort of decided that “it is what it is” and I should probably just….ask.

But as I picked up my phone, I decided that I didn’t want to take this thing to Crazytown and flat out ask if he had a girlfriend.  Because, on the offhand chance that he doesn’t have a girlfriend or wife, woah…I’m already that girl.

So I simply texted Bachelor Number 5, and left it pretty open-ended.  “We should meet up this week.” It was a simple text, straight to the point, without any filler or fluff.  It was a suggestion that required a response in the affirmative or negative.  And when the little red star on my in-box popped up almost immediately, my heart fluttered a bit.  With a little trepidation, I opened the text message to find the answer.  “I agree.  I was just about to text you to see how your Easter weekend went?”

No hesitation, no argument, no push back.  He agreed we should meet.  So I politely answered his question and added to the end “I’m free pretty much any night except Friday.”

His response came slower, and only addressed the portion of the conversation about what we had done the previous weekend.  And he texted for thirty more minutes with no mention of plans at all this week.

That was the final straw for me, I guess.  I knew in my heart of hearts, something was up.  So I put away the phone, read some of the book I’m currently engrossed in, and went to bed.

I lamented to my friend today between emails and phone calls at work that “something was officially up with Bachelor Number 5” and that I might never really know the outcome.  And she asked the question I should have seen coming from a mile away.

“Have you googled him?”

Googled him?  I don’t even know his last name.

“Google his username.”

Now, I am a smart girl, and I’ll admit that this thought has crossed my mind, but I usually shut the thought out quickly, figuring that I should let someone reveal their secrets to me rather than dragging them all out myself..but once my friend said the words, I knew it was just time to do this.  If she’s thinking it, then it’s okay for me to have this thought too.

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I promised you I’d never Facebook stalk again?

Well, I forgot to mention to you all that the rules, for Facebook stalking, only apply to The Boyfriend, The Friend, and anyone associated with them.  New bachelors, of course, are fair game.

And so I googled his username and immediately a Picasa album came up.  The default picture on his Picasa album?  Same as his default picture on OkCupid.  Jackpot.  Same guy.  So with apprehension I flipped through the album.

Yes, there was a picture of him smiling into the camera with what looks to be a very attractive girl sucking on his neck.  But I can’t account for that.  It may or may not be a current girlfriend.  And anyway, the picture was nearly 3 years old.

Yeah, three years old.  Just like his default user picture.  As I got to more current photos, I realized that Bachelor Number 5 has gained a significant amount of weight.  By my own estimations, Bachelor Number 5 has gained around 200 pounds since the photo that he uses on OKCupid was taken.

As different as I look now that I am down nearly 130 pounds, he looks just as different going in the other direction.

I put the username into Facebook and his personal account came right up, complete with recent photos and status updates.

Bachelor Number 5’s dirty little secret?  His pictures are old.

Now, does this change how I feel about Bachelor Number 5?

A little.

But hold on before you crucify me for being a shallow bitch.

Was I smitten with Bachelor Number 5?  Yeah.  I was.  He is funny.  He has a great sense of humor (he laughs at my jokes!) and he is clever.  He asks great questions, takes the lead in conversations, and can be very sweet.  We have a lot in common.

But I feel like he’s misrepresenting himself with older pictures.  And it feels a bit like he wants to twist my arm into just loving him so much, via text message, that when he finally broke down and met me in person, well, I’d have no choice but to just forget about the little incident of misleading OKCupid pictures.

I’m just like anyone else.  I appreciate the good in people.  I appreciate honesty and sincerity.  And I feel like that’s just not what I’m getting when Bachelor Number 5 hides his true self from me by using older pictures and refusing to meet me yet.

I sort of feel like..I have my own flaws.  What are they?  I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering?  Wait, that’s Michael Scott. Seriously though, I’ve told you here time and again that I struggled with my weight in the past, so my body is still a ‘work in progress’.  But I don’t try to hide this online.  I use up-to-date pictures.  I have some in make up and some without because…well, I don’t always wear make up!  I have full body shots, close-ups, head shots.  Because I don’t want anybody to ever feel like I sold them a dream that wasn’t able to be a reality.  And that’s sort of where Bachelor Number 5 left me…feeling like he sold a dream.

Being the mature person that I am, I added him on Facebook.  We’ll see what he says. So much for me not taking it to Crazytown, right?  I guess I am the mayor, after all.

Case closed?

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6 thoughts on “Selling The Drama (Bachelor Number 5 Case Closed?)

  1. Oh wow. That is definitely a form of misrepresentation. I admit that when I was online dating, I did have some older pics up, but I pretty much look exactly the same, face and figure, as I did even 5-7 years ago (I credit those *good* Asian genes). And I have to say that when I met my now-Ex boyfriend on Match, 3 out of 4 (including the main pic) were pretty old. But aside from the hair being less poufy, he looked the same and his weight was the same.

    Definitely let us know if he accepts your friend request on FB. And don’t worry about being mayor of Crazytown, you’ve got lots of deputy mayors along side you here in blogworld 🙂

  2. I don’t know. I dated a tiny bit (before I gave up) and here are two things I learned in today’s dating jungle: If they only text its NOT a good sign, if they don’t give you their last name it’s not only a bad sign its a huge warning flag.
    Don’t ignore the signs just because you’re smitten…there are more fish in the sea. Listen to that gut feeling when it tells you something is wrong. The gut feeling is usually right!

    1. Listen to that gut feeling when it tells you something is wrong.

      Definitely am listening. I don’t think smitten describes how I feel anymore. It’s on to the next one, but I added him on FB so he’d “know” that I “know”.

    2. I have to agree with all of this. You’ve been honest about what you’re looking for, and he’s been evasive. Don’t waste your time on someone who isn’t mature (or decent) enough to be honest with you. (Can you tell that bachelor number 5 irks me? ^_^)

  3. Wow. Well, that’s kind of crazy. I agree with the previous repliers, if you ever have doubts about someone I think it’s acceptable to Google people you might be interested in. Everyone’s time is valuable so I don’t see the harm in it. You’re better off knowing now than being led on and having your time wasted.

  4. I am actually going to go against everything that I stand for in being up front and honest and defend Bachelor #5. I have been online dating long enough to know that many people use outdated pics. Is it right? No. Is it honest? No. I, like you, don’t do it. I think it’s silly and misrepresentative. Maybe bachelor #5 isn’t as confident in who he is as we are. Maybe he put his old pics up because he was afraid no one would be attracted to his new ones. Once he got to ‘texting’ with you though, he probably didn’t know how to ‘break the news’ to you, so just kept postponing.

    As much as I don’t like the evasiveness and old pics, I do know how hard it is to connect with someone online. Contrary to all the lame commercials, it’s a rarity to find someone that you geniunely like. I might give him a chance to step up to the plate on this one. If he grows a set and decides to actually meet you, I think you should.

    As we all know, weight can be gained and lost, sucky personalities are there forever. 😉

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