Q&A Tuesday–Match.com and Sex


On Tuesdays The Blonde likes to dive into the mail bag from the anonymous formspring account and answer reader questions.  Submit yours for consideration at formspring.me/theblondexox

Today’s question comes from an anonymous user.  The curious reader writes:

Hi Blonde. Should I write that I like sex in my Match profile?

Well, hmm.

First and foremost, good for you that you’re able to really admit that you enjoy sex.  Too often friends of mine are shy when it comes to the topic of sex.  But when we’re all really honest with ourselves…of course we all like sex!

Sex is fun, especially if you’re doing it right!  It feels good, it makes you feel closer to the person you’re sharing it with.  It can be a huge stress reliever, and when performed correctly, can actually burn around 150 calories per hour (assuming of course you can last an hour!).  It’s an adventure, it feels good..wow, I think I just talked myself into a tizzy.

But with great sex comes great responsibility.  Having sex too soon can spell disaster for relationships.  And being too frank with regard to sexual topics early on in a relationship can have the same disastrous consequences, I’ve found.

First and foremost, you run the risk of coming across as slutty if you’re a female or creepy if you’re male.  And I realize this is a serious double standard, but I’m just being honest.  Men will judge women are promiscuous if they are too sexually forward too soon.  Women call men pigs if they’re honest about being interested in sex on the first dat (or sooner).

And, of course, if you take your early relationship to a place of “I LIKE SEX” right away, and things get out of hand, you run the risk of being unable to ‘back the relationship up’.  Slowing things down is much more awkward after there has been a sexual element added.

It’s a delicate balance you’ve got to find; being yourself, showing interest, and not being too forward with sexual topics.  True we all like sex, and maybe we like having frequent sex, and maybe we’ve had sex too soon and it didn’t end up being the end of the world, but if you really want to start a relationship off on the right note..I wouldn’t advertise your desire to do the adult version of the hokey pokey on your Match.com profile.

So, in my personal opinion, it depends on what you’re using Match.com to achieve.  If Match.com is, for you, a means to find someone interested mostly in sex and not a long-term relationship, then yes, by all means, your headline should probably just read I WANT TO HAVE LOTS OF SEX.  And then you should have sex as safely and as often as possible, but be aware that serious relationships may not follow with these connections.

But if you’re interested in finding someone you can connect with on many levels–including, but not limited to sexual compatibility, blatantly stating your sexual needs on a dating website isn’t the way to go.

Sex most certainly plays a prominent role in any relationship.  I’m not saying it’s something you can’t enjoy or be frank about.  I’m just suggesting to you that putting it in your Match.com profile could be counterintuitive if you’re looking for a strong relationship that isn’t solely based on sex.

But that’s just my opinion.

Thanks for reading!

Got a question for The Blonde?  Ask her anonymously on FormSpring!  Visit http://www.formspring.me/theblondexoxo for details.

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3 thoughts on “Q&A Tuesday–Match.com and Sex

  1. You know, every time Ive ever dated anybody, I’ve always been afraid they were a prude. I’ve always been proven wrong. Don’t get me wrong, in general I’m not a huge proponent of getting physical fast, but I’m a lush in the right context. I even dated someone who on eh said one of the cant stands was someone who was “sexually obsessive” and I’d say she had more than her fair share of libido (its a long story as to why she had that listed as a cant stand).

    Long story short though, I think you can learn a lot from a person by how they are at making out. I think today, ppl rush too quickly into sex to find out if the other person “has the goods.” Let’s be honest, few ppl want prudes and I think healthy people want someone who is an active participant and wants to explore… I cant think of many ppl who wouldn’t?

    But, I think ppl feel the rush and then jump in too quickly and a part of it is that they want to know if they other person is any good (which is a valid reason). The problem I see is that its a slippery slope; the relationship becomes overly physical and then falls apart (not to mention babies… real babies!)

    I think that there are proxies to this information though that are safe, build a strong connection, and are fun. Kissing is one of them. Another is setting up a conversation where you talk about another subject, but you both know you’re talking about ur sex drive. You’re not graphic, but it helps you to tune in to the person and see if anyone’s home. Its just a part of flirting. I’d say that if the person can flirt, they’re good under the hood. If they can flirt and their not, I think its because of emotional issues.

    From the guys pov,
    M

    1. Great points, Micah.

      I definitely think there are ways to flirt and make your abilities known without having to blatantly put on your Match.com profile “I LIKE SEX”. I think that gives a terrible impression, but flirtatious chiding can be cute and fun AND informative!

      I always like your input.

      xoxo The Blonde

      1. Thanks Blonde, I try to help where i can. I hope to think about this topic more and write a blog post about it.

        Catch you on the flippity flip,
        M

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