My Match.com strategy this week was an interesting one. I sorted through matches and winked at any I found interesting. A couple of them I sent a quick “nice profile!” to on the wink page, but most of them I simply winked at and hoped to hear back.
I ultimately think winking is a bad idea–especially exclusively. Most of the gentlemen I winked at simply winked back. And then it was up to me to write an actual message/email because you can’t wink at someone you already winked at. Which seems obvious; more than one wink comes across as a twitch, right?
Anyway, out of the 8 guys I winked at this week, 5 winked back. One wrote a simple email that said “Thanks for the wink” and two haven’t responded.
This is not to say that I think it’s a poor idea for me to have initial contact with gentleman suitors. Quite the contrary. For some reason, online, I sort of think it’s half my responsibility to initiate contact, else it’s just passively sitting on a dating website; and time is money there. I can easily rest on my laurels in the real world. In the online dating scene, it’s a waste if I’m not active. Anyway, like I was saying, it’s worth my time to contact someone I find interesting, but I think winking just slows down the inevitable–I’m going to have to email them one way or another.
I get many messages on Match.com that simply say “Hi. How are you?” And while I find that a pleasant way to start a conversation, I find it insufficient as an entire email. That’s an instant message, not a get-to-know-you email. I find that emails without questions beyond my general disposition make formulation of responses difficult. There has to be something about my profile that prompted you to write. Maybe you liked my photos, but wasn’t there anything I wrote that made you say “I’ve got to write her!?” That’s the general rule I use when formulating emails. If I was to write back, I try to hone in on what made me want to write, and use that as the jumping off point for the subject of the email. Maybe I want more information on something you list as an interest; sometimes I ask about more details on your job; I often ask about vacations men have listed.
Men freely give their numbers to me on Match. I’ve noticed in the past maybe 5 people I’ve talked to, 3 of them gave me their numbers to me in the second email they wrote. Most of the numbers I’ve collected online have come with the same instructions “feel free to text me if you want”. I think it’s a guy’s way of saying “I know you’re uneasy about giving out your number, so here’s mine. If I would be willing to text or call these guys, I reply back with my number and effectively put the ball in their court. If not, I thank them for the number and say I might contact them in a bit, once we know more about one another.
Patti Stanger is notorious for saying that “women fall in love with their ears; phone contact is a necessity”. I tend to disagree . I think men are more likely to need to hear me on the phone before we meet in person. Me? Talking on the phone, as I’ve noted, can be more stressful than a date. Men, it seems, especially the ones I’m getting on Match, really want that phone interaction. And many of them want to text me during work. This is a fairly new concept for me. For four years I worked in a building underground without cellular phone service; now I have a brand new office with windows (!!) and phone service. I don’t mind saying “hey!” and sharing some pleasantries, but I can’t text all day long at my job. I’d be more open to GChatting while at work than texting. Men are such phone whores. What’s the deal?
I have a date with a med student this weekend. Actually, scratch that. I have an invitation to contact the Med Student (Bachelor Number 4) via text message and set something up this weekend. Yeah, that irritated me. But I think this just may be the online dating policy as-of-late. Men sort of leave it up to me to contact them to set up plans. I think most of them are forgetting the allure of being wooed, pursued, and you know…actually making plans. Whatever. I can’t lead a one woman crusade against this policy right now. And he seems interesting–I mean, aside from the fact that he is studying medicine. He is an Alabama fan and made reference to this in several places on his profile and in emails to me. At the very least, we can argue about sports I suppose. I am not intensely attracted to his photos, but I’m looking at this one with an open mind. And, you know, rolling with it. Maybe he’s super funny. I’m never gonna know via email.