My Match.com use seems to come and go in spurts, sometimes I will be emailing two or three gentlemen, and sometimes my inbox sits pathetically empty, wishing someone would even wink at me in order to spark some conversation.
Over the weekend my inbox went from buzzing to silent, and I’m not sure if that’s a product of weekends naturally, or if my communications just fizzled out regardless of the day of the week. I was communicating with what I thought to be Bachelor Numbers 2 and 3. Bachelor Number 2 was a particularly witty male and I felt like I had done some of my best communicating with Bachelor 2, a lawyer. I had somehow managed to roll a friendly conversation about Memphis and Sun Studios into a charming allegory about the time I met Johnny Cash. I may have lost Bachelor 2, though, when I discussed a local judge who’d been recently indicted on some serious charges. Note to self, don’t discuss current events. At least not on Match.com Oh well, I thought to myself, he’ll either get back with me, or he won’t. It’s Monday afternoon and still no word. We’ll see what happens. His communication was a bit sporadic at any rate, so it’s hard to tell if my current events ‘quiz’ killed the mood.
Bachelor Number 3 was (is?) a high school math teacher, and that gave me the opportunity to ask (quite genuinely) what he teaches and if he participates in any after school activities with his students. In fact, he teaches geometry and coaches baseball in the area. Funny, The Uncle (that I am very close to) teaches high school math and coaches baseball. Lucky for Bachelor Number 3 I am quite familiar with area high school baseball and occasionally find myself at the tournaments. I tried to make small talk about what I do for a living, what I am interested in, and what I was planning on doing this weekend (because his response was admittedly a little lacking in the conversation department). I logged in this morning to find this gem of an email from Bachelor Number 3. I’ll provide the text for you here:
I don’t know how impressed you should be about teaching geometry. Some days are good some are not so good. Your job sounds pretty exciting getting to work with college students at the place you went to.
I will cut to the chase. I am looking to start dating or seeing someone. You can call it whatever you like. Someday I want to be married and have the kids and the whole 9 yard. Does this interest you? Curious to see if we should meet up.
I’ll give you a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor. I already had that experiences earlier this morning. What a pick up line, huh?
On the one hand, bravo to Bachelor Number 3 for actually outright stating what he is looking for–clearly his list of Must Haves includes “marriage minded” and “desire for children”…but on the other hand I think I might have been more receptive to this phrase after we had gotten to know each other a little better. Still, he seems like a genuinely nice guy so I wrote back:
To answer your question succinctly, yes.
To elaborate, I am on Match.com to find ‘the one’–someone I want to share my life with, both short-term and long-term. It is my desire to marry and have children, with the right person. I am not looking for just anyone, but someone who I enjoy being with and who enjoys being with me, too. So I am here on Match to communicate with a variety of people and make new connections in my life. And if out of this comes a strong connection, then yes, I’m looking to date and eventually make a commitment.
So, in a way, I am pretty serious with my intentions here, but I am also just letting things roll and seeing where it all takes me.
This is the 30th draft of the email, the one I finally sent. The first 29 said “Yeah I wanna get married and have some kids, but not any time this year and certainly not to just to any old stage 5 clinger that asks me. I totally could be married to anyone, but I’m looking for the one dude.”
This, my friends, totally shattered my (mis)conception that every guy on a dating website is looking to hook up and dip out the next day. It is, in fact, possible to find someone my age that wants to have children just as much as I do; the question is…why do I find someone easy to catch so absolutely UN-attractive?