Adventures in Matching


Compact school and office edition, 1967
Um. Pick one up bro.

Today my phone chirped happily, alerting me to a new email from Match.com.  I opened the message with excitement and had to read the message at least 3 times because I simply couldn’t believe what I read.

Let me just put it out here for you, copied and pasted directly from my inbox.

hi darline my name is (INSERT FULL NAME HERE!) i would luv the shot to get to know you over chat and email and if that goes well i cuold take you out to dinner SO if you want to no more about me you can reach me hear (insert an email address) or hear (insert SAME email address!?) hope to here from you have a great day

Wow.  I don’t know where to begin.  Maybe with the failed attempt and calling me darlin’ or darling or anything remotely near that nickname.  And while I’m not super jazzed about nicknames, the word darling seemed nice and I sighed initially at the failed attempt.

But it goes on with the confused know/no and the here/hear fiasco.  I am not sure how one lists the same email address twice and doesn’t realize it, either.  I try to be pretty lax with punctuation in these Match communications, but a period or comma might have helped somewhere.  Maybe even just a simple period at the end.

I am no expert. My writing here isn’t fantastic and I hae a real problem remembering to edit for grammar and spelling and general typographical errors. I know this, but I’d like to think that what I write here and in messages on Match.com are at least understandable and reek of a high school diploma.

If you’re writing someone with the intent of getting to know them or possibly dating, I’d like to encourage you not to use chat speak or text-abbreviations.  Unless you are under the age of 16, most people would rather see the word you instead of u, two instead of 2.  It’s a small thing that really goes a long way.  I didn’t think many people would really use text speak on Match, but they really do.

Someone should write this poor soul and tell him that a Harbace Handbook would help his dating game immensely.  I am sure he’s a fine guy, but I think a simple “Thanks! But, no thanks.” is all I can muster at this point.  Bless his heart…

This is the comedic gold I really hoped for when I started this blog.  Married men and grammatically challenged, that’s pretty much my specialty.

Back to the drawing board..

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2 thoughts on “Adventures in Matching

  1. In his defense… his only defense… one of Match’s annoying “features” is that it will automatically replace anything that looks remotely like an email address e.g. (something) @ (something) . (something) with (your screenname)@talkmatch.com so it’s entirely possible he didn’t know the same email address was showing up twice.

    But, seriosuly, if guys out there are sending emails like that, how come someone who is able to string together coherent sentances has a less than 1-in-10 response rate? No, I’m not bitter at all.

    1. I’m familiar with the talkmatch emails. This definitely didn’t follow that form.

      I am bitter too–bitter than my carefully crafted profile elicited an email with this much..crazytalk. 😉

      xoxo The Blonde

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