All Fired Up With Your Napoleon Complex


Bachelor Number 1 was  shorter than me.  It wasn’t a huge deal to me; I just noticed it as we stood at the bar, ordering drinks.  My snap judgement placed him in the 5’4″ range, which is around two inches shorter than I am.

“That’s funny.” I thought to myself.  I checked his profile before I left.  Like a college football recruit, his real life stature definitely didn’t match the roster.  He definitely listed himself as 5’8″.  I made a point to wear kitten heels  so I wouldn’t tower over him. Or slightly outedge him.  Or anything of the sort. Because lately men have really made me aware of the importance of height in a relationship.

I realize that some females are attracted to height.  It’s not on my list of must haves, though.  It’s never been something that has mattered beyond a note in my head of “Oh I’m taller” or “Oh, he’s taller”.  Never.  But until I delved into the world of online dating, I had very little idea of just how essential it was to a lot of men.  In fact, Katie at DateMeDC.com warned me once and frequently posts about the fact that almost all Match.com dates are going to be two inches shorter than their profile indicates.  So far, she’s 1 for 1 with her prediction for me.

About six months ago, The Boyfriend was emailing me what he found to be a super amusing story.  Apparently his girlfriend found (and dated) The Friend online about a year before she met The Boyfriend.  (Yes, do the math, and the timeline works out that I was with The Boyfriend and The Friend while she was dating The Friend.  And now she is with The Boyfriend.  It’s positively incestuous but whateer.) Anyway, the actual funny part of the story to The Boyfriend was that The Friend represented himself as 5’10”.  I would say The Friend is actually somewhere between 5’2 and 5’#’.  If true (and for some reason, I just really, really want to doubt this story), I am shocked that he would lie by eight inches.  He doesn’t compensate for height with cars or shoes or anything of the sort.  So to find out that he was so severely conscious of his height was a shock.  And I towered over him.  He must really hate me for that.

I sincerely acknowledge that everyone has their own preference.  A frequent commenter here recently said he is attracted to women taller than his 6’0″ stature.  But it seems that, more often than not, men are self-conscious about their height and are lying about it.  It’s almost on par with the women lie about age/weight thing.

I don’t find a man shorter than me unattractive.  I find someone who misrepresents their stats online and expects me not to notice in person unattractive.  Of course I’ll notice.  But at least give me the credit that I am a person with a soul who’d give you a chance even if you are 5’4″. Do

And I wonder more about what women are out there.  Are we really rejecting droves of perfectly normal men because they’re under 5’10”?  And if so, is that the reason we tell them? There has to be something happening that is causing this crisis of faith in leg length with men all over the country.

And now that I’ve blogged about this, I’m starting to wonder if it really matters to me after all.  Harump.  this online dating stuff?  Way too complex.

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12 thoughts on “All Fired Up With Your Napoleon Complex

  1. It always mattered to me (until recently)– because I found guys are uncomfortable dating women who are taller than them. I had the tiniest crush on someone at work and i remember him saying– ‘I wish I was taller’ I knew then– just to cut off all the feeling I had for him because he was insecure about his height.

    Guys lie about their height online (i guess) because they don’t want to be over looked by women like me who’ll pass them by. Remember the episode of S&TC (“Politically Erect”) Where Samantha dates the shorter man?– Exactly.

    I The guy I went on the last couple of dates was isn’t the tallest (I’d say 5’9 , 510′) I’m really surprised too– he isn’t particularly really attractive but he’s attractive and I’ve just been really drawn to his character.

    1. I haven’t seen that episode of S&TC but will have to go watch it. I just can’t imagine shrinking down my already-small dating pool due to height restrictions. I’m having trouble finding eligible bachelors–smart, funny, polite, mature etc. without saying “also above 5’8″!”

      Good luck with the average-height guy!

      xoxo The Blonde

  2. The funniest part about Bachelor #1’s lying is that he expected you to memorize his profile, but somehow thought you wouldn’t notice the difference between his Imagined and Actual Height? LOL.

    This has been going on forever, though. When my mother, who is about 5’8″, used to process personnel at her job in the 70s, she frequently had to call men out on lying about their height on their job applications. She usually had them stand up next to her, at which point she looked down at them, and said, “I’m 5’8. You are not 6 feet tall. Try again.”

    I’ve never really had to worry about anyone being shorter than I am because I’m 5’2, but I’d prefer that a guy be a few inches taller than I at the very least. It’s not a “must-have,” though.

    1. The funniest part about Bachelor #1′s lying is that he expected you to memorize his profile, but somehow thought you wouldn’t notice the difference between his Imagined and Actual Height? LOL.

      I wondered if anyone would pick up on this. The one thing I did actually remember from his profile is the one thing I couldn’t rely on? Irony.

      xoxo The Blonde.

  3. So are you saying that I should change my profile height to 6’2″ to compensate for everyone else’s vertical inflation? Or would posting a picture next to a yard stick (er, two yard sticks) be better?

    p.s. Thanks for reminding me about datemedc… I’m tinking of doing her profile review thing.

    1. I have considered doing her profile review thing myself.

      I’m not saying you need to change your height! I think girls will be pleasantly surprised that they show up and you’re actually as advertised 😉

      Maybe *I* should start lying that I am two inches shorter than I really am, to make men feel more confident about it?

      The possibilities are endless here.
      xoxo The Blonde

  4. Have to say that for me, the height of my Date/GF has never really been an issue… and I’ve dated women from 5’0 to 5’10, so clearly a dates stature in not one of my deciding criteria. At 6’1 (real, not “advertised”) I’ve never felt a need to lie, however my guess with regards to men lying about height on their profiles is they’re hoping that once they get in front of you they can wow you with their charm, wit, etc. etc. to such an extent you’ll forget to notice they are 8-inches shorter then they advertised!

    Or it could be a universal constant for all men that we automatically add two-inches to any height/length measurement! ;^)

    Cheers!

    1. I’m fine with men wanting to wow me with charm to compensate for..well, anything really! But I don’t appreciate men who constantly complain that women are dishonest and expect to be able to persuade men into their wicked nets with their wit and personality.

      My theory is this: I’m laying it all out for you online and if you don’t like what you see, keep truckin’. But if you do like it, rest assured that it’s 100% what you’re getting in person..

      And I wondered if someone would bring up ahem..other measurements.. 😉

      thanks for reading!
      xoxo The Blonde

  5. I would love it if height didn’t matter to me- really, I would. I’m almost 5′ 11″. No matter how cool, cute, funny, or amazing a guy is, if he’s shorter than me, I just never feel that “spark” (and believe me- I know several amazing guys who would make damn good boyfriends and husbands- and I am not attracted to them in the slightest.) My father is 6′ 4″- maybe it’s a learned security issue?

    I’ve had three boyfriends- the first was 6′ 4″, the second was 6′ 8″, and the third was 6′ 6″. The last two were a little on the “too tall” side… but hey, if I can wear heels and STILL have to look up at them, I’m happy. 🙂

  6. I read all of the above and just could not overlook it and not say a thing.
    Let’s get something straight : it’s true that most men feel insecure about their height BUT that is only because YOU WOMEN have a problem with it in the first place!
    If you women would not have such an obsession with a man’s height, men would simply NOT CARE and definately NOT LIE about it.
    Women place such big importance on it that it’s more than a preference; it’s a DEAL-BREAKER; and men know it. It doesn’t matter how cool, cute, funny or amazing you are as a man, if you are not TALL women will reject you.
    That is why men feel insecure around tall women too. Not because their intimidated by her height BUT because their afraid of the outcome of her evaluation of them (which is almost always a negative one). Bottom line is: as the taller the woman is, the bigger the chances of rejection get.
    And another thing. Rejecting a man (or a woman) JUST for being insecure? What the hell is that all about?! That is just plain stupid and cruel. Why should it matter how that person feels about themselves? And if they do feel insecure about themselves (be it height, weight or looks) the ETHICAL thing would be to HELP that person get over it, NOT bring them down even more. I mean, what kind of people are you? Have you no heart?!

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