I’ve shared this existence of this little blog with several more people in my real life lately. The Match.com news caused me to be a little more brave, a little more excited, and a little more gossipy.
Most of them say the same thing. First it’s “Oh my gosh, you’ve been blogging for a while!” and then they say “Oh my gosh this is so you, Blonde!” and then finally they conclude with “But are you gonna tell these poor guys you’re a dating blogger?”
And that’s usually where I go silent. I don’t really know what I should be doing. And honestly, in the amount of time I’ve had this blog, the issue hasn’t really been relevant. But I realize that now that I am actively on Match.com, it’s probably time to decide what is fair to these dates.
I figure I have a few choices.
Choice one is that I tell them, up front, what I am doing. Hi, I’m The Blonde, you’re cute, and I blog about dating. I suppose this way, it’s all on the table. Then again, I might never actually get to the table.
Choice two is that I can go out, have a good time, and decide somewhere after the first encounter if they need to know that I blog. Maybe when things get serious? Maybe before things get serious? I realize that if I met someone and was that serious, I wouldn’t keep blogging about them directly. This blog existed before I dated, and it can continue after. I guess?
And choice three is that I never tell them. But I don’t know exactly how long I can keep a secret.
Choice one seems impractical, but then again, so does choice three. I run the risk of ruining a good thing with both of those choices, the way I see it. There seems to me that if I date someone, there eventually comes a ‘point of no return’ where I should have revealed my “secret” and the lack of information seems weird and wrong. But there also seems to be a point where it’s too soon to tell someone. I’m not dating for the blog, I am simply blogging as a byproduct of the dates.
I promise this–I will never go on a date for the sake of this blog. I will never meet someone for the sake of material, and I will never continue seeing someone for the sake of this blog. And of course, as usual, no names. No way to easily identify my victims.
What’s ethical? What makes the most sense? Are there any dating bloggers out there with advice?
I already started joking with some friends that I didn’t reveal the blogging gig to Bachelor Number 1, but considered it when I felt the date wasn’t going well. It was almost my “Panic Button” move. When in doubt, reveal the dating blog. And then maybe the check for dinner comes a little bit quicker?
The Blind Leading the Blonde 
I don’t identify people by name, nor do I give identifying characteristics (i.e., “So-and-so has a gigantic mole on his nose” etc.).
I also think it’s OK to not tell people about it until you reach a point where you have to. So, if you go on one date with a guy and you know you’re never going to see him again? Just get through the evening, then tip your hat and move on. My personal cut-off is fourth date — if I make it through a fourth date and plans are in the works for a fifth, I tell them about it.
And then, of course, there are the guys who meet me through the blog, and that takes all the guesswork out of it. SWEET.
I like your rules…I think fourth date seems pretty natural to reveal the big secret. Not that I kid myself by thinking this blog is a big deal or anything..but they’d probably care, nonetheless.
I like how you’ve parlayed this gig into meeting someone (who is TOTALLY FREAKIN’ AWESOME!) 😉 For what it’s worth, I totally don’t think he’s reading. I would imagine he’d come to his own defense.
Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
xoxo The Blonde.
It’s funny that Katie says between date 4 and date 5. According the the March Cosmopolitan, the fifth date is the elusive date where guys will sleep with girls they think are “girlfriend” material.
I vote you just roll with it – every situation will be different. There may be a dude or two that likes girls who write/blog,etc. Why do you have to say it’s a dating blog?
❤ Brunette
I feel more obligated to reveal it’s a dating blog when I’m meeting someone through Match.com while it’s being paid for by Match…you know?
xoxo
When I was on Match, I had it listed in my profile that I loved to write and had a blog. I didn’t mention what the blog was about and when asked about it, I responded that it was about anything and everything that is on my mind (which is true) and sometimes that included dating. Most guys thought that was really cool. I was always upfront and open about the fact that I had it and only had to talk about it when the guys were thorough enough to have read it in my profile and ask me about it.
My current boyfriend (met thru Match) knows about my blog, read it when I finally let him, but now stays away from it, cause he knows it’s my space to write about whatever I need to write about.
That is actually a really interesting point. Afterall, I do spend a lot of my time blogging here. And I am becoming increasingly interested in writing. Maybe I’ll add it!
Thanks for the feedback. I’m sure I’ll have more questions in the coming days.
xoxo!
The Blonde
I don’t (or rather try not to) blog about women I’m dating while in the pursuit/dating phases but after it’s fallen apart I might mention it in very vague terms, but never anything identifiying.
The awkward part has been several of my dates over the past year have been at events that I normally blog about anyway and in those cases I’m even more vauge — “A friend and I attended…”
I’m becomming paranoid about telling dates that I blog — and even taking dates to restaurants that I’ve blogged about/where the proprietors know me because the last two women I was seriously interested in things fell apart shortly after the blog came up… I don’t seriously think there’s a connection, but I do wonder if my orchestra/performing arts habit is a roadblock. Though if someone asked I wouldn’t not mention it.
How’s that for a menadring bit with no clear advice?
I wondered about going to same restaurants with dates..mostly because I live in a mid-sized city and I’m bound to repeat. But I figure, I’m ‘dating’ and that involves seeing more than one person until I’m officially in a relationship. I have to assume that about men I’m seeing, so they can just assume that about me too. *shrug*
I like your meandering answers though!
xoxo The Blonde.
As far as restaurants go, for me at least, it’s a little awkward when either the date Googles the place and comes across my writeup before we’ve met/discussed the blog or when the proprietor starts paying way more attention to my table (one appeared with a bottle of wine “on the house”)…it’s a little uncomfortable.
As far as repeating non-blogged places, I try not to do it just because I use dating as an excuse to try new places, but I don’t actively avoid it.
I think telling guys might turn them off, but that’s not to discourage you from sharing it. Most men with options will expect sex before the 4th date, assuming he has options, fwiw.
I tend to think it’s a turn off..but. I dunno what I’ll do. A bridge to cross when I get there I guess.
If I’m sleeping with someone, they gotta know I blogged about them though.
Not that I am willing to sleep with anyone even after 4 dates. I’m pretty picky.
xoxo The Blonde.
I’m curious to hear from The Blonde’s prespective when appropriate milestones are for those types of events and if -not- doing them is as big of a turn off as rushing them?
I’ve only had a few women get to a 3rd date, and I’ve never pressed for a kiss much less sex; I’ve actually wondered if avoiding the kiss is what cost me the possiblity of a future romantic relationship [one of those few is still a very close friend friend, but has a pretty substantial romantic relationship with someone else]
@ Lincoln that’s definitely a post I need to start composing, but I can assure you I haven’t had sex with someone I haven’t known/dated for at least 3 months. And I haven’t had all that much sex honestly.
I’m a unique one, that’s for sure.
Sigh.
xoxo The Blonde.
@Lincoln,
Regardless of what blonde says, the answer is ‘probably’ but it’s really all in your frame. Try not ‘dating’ women until you are having sex with them.