Yes, today would have been a significant anniversary for The Boyfriend and me. I have pondered posting on this day for a while now..I considered not posting. I considered posting some horrifying tell-all. Then, I realize that both of those things? Just aren’t me. So I thought maybe I’d just show you one of my most favorite moments from an anniversary past. Let’s go to the video tape..
So as you can see in the movie, it was our 5 year anniversary. A pretty significant anniversary if I do say so myself. And apparently I do say so myself. We agreed months prior that instead of buying elaborate gifts for this anniversary we would each make something special to give to the other. BIG MISTAKE. While I thought long and hard about what I would produce, clearly The Boyfriend didn’t. I collected beer caps, ticket stubs, confetti, and various other little symbols of an amazing year together (well, it seemed amazing at the time!) and he sat outside my dorm room and drew a graph on a sheet of yellow legal paper while I waited inside. Interestingly enough, I still have the graph and the shadow box. The shadow box never left my room. Here’s what the graph looks like:
Lessons learned here? Don’t make presents. You’ll always end up having them sit around being useless. Also, Econ majors are a special, special breed.
Maybe the bigger lesson is that we just weren’t meant to be. The circumstances seemed so storybook on the outside. We met as five-year-olds, he was my first crush, we were high school sweethearts, we dated through college. Sometimes you want something to work so badly you just ignore the differences. On paper, we were perfect. In reality, we were a train wreck. No matter how hard we tried, we were always at cross-purposes. He was a Bic pen graph. I was a glassed-in shadow box. I often felt like he was with my just to be with anyone. I often felt like I was with him just to be with anyone. And when the reality of it all was put out in front of me, I was always disappointed. In me, in him, in us. Sometimes I get nostalgic, lonely, sad about what I don’t have anymore. But I just have to remind myself of these tiny incidents that along the way showed me that we were just too different. I know that I let him down too.
Happy Un-Anniversary, Boyfriend.
Post Script: after writing this post I got to thinking about prior anniversaries and other gifts, and in the beginning he actually did make me a wonderful gift once. So it’s not to say that he couldn’t make things, because he could. He just chose not to that time. He was a good boyfriend, sometimes. xoxo.