The Blonde Chooses Between 2 Boxes of Cereal or a Boyfriend


I hope the fearless leader of http://dearexgirlfriend.com/ doesn’t mind me sharing one of his points that he made a few days ago on Twitter. It just struck such a chord with me. He mentioned that Cocoa Krispies were awesome, as was eating them.  And maybe that’s why he’s single? Hmm.

Lately I’ve been making a mental list every time there is a moment in a conversation where I express my taste or distaste for something and cite it as a ‘Reason I’m Still Single’.  Mostly it’s funny stuff like “I find nicknames weird” or “I think Humpty Dumpty shouldn’t be an egg in most portrayals” (yeah, seriously, ask me about that sometime..). But the Dear ExGirlfriend tweet brought up an extremely sore subject for me:  cereal.

Cereal:  Part of a Complete Relationship!
Cereal: Part of a Complete Relationship!

Reason number 45 The Blonde is still single?  Sugary breakfast cereals.

Once upon a time, I loved cold cereal.  I could eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and be absolutely content. This is probably still the case, but 100 pounds later? I don’t let myself near a box. But I digress.

Fruity Pebbles, Corn Pops, Sugar Smacks, Cheerios, Rice Chex, oh my.  I loved cereal.  But I also liked variety.  Who wants Fruity Pebbles for breakfast and lunch?  Yeah, that’s what I thought.  Variety is the spice (or sugar, as the case may be) of life. So my solution is to have a plain brand—Cheerios, Rice Chex, Crispix, etc. and then a fun variety like Fruity Pebbles or Fruit Loops…more of a dessert cereal, if you will.  This all makes sense, right?  Don’t answer that.

The Boyfriend and I hadn’t lived in the apartment long, but long enough that we were making our umpteenth trip to the grocery store.  I had been at work for eight hours that day, he had been at school both as an instructor and a student. I am sure we were both worn out, mentally.  We wandered the aisles, which were packed with screaming kids and those damn motorized scooters that always seem to cut me off at the exact moment I stick my hand out to reach for something off a shelf.  God, I hate those things! Anyway, we’d made the fatal mistake of grocery shopping while tired and hungry… and without a list.  Or a budget.  I look back now at those two idiots stalking the aisles and want to shake them and say “HEY!  MAKE A DAMN LIST.  SET A BUDGET.  TALK ABOUT YOUR FINANCES! DO IT NOW OR ELSE!” But whatever.

Anyway, we wandered, debated, made our choices (however poor they were), and made it to the cereal aisle.  I can’t remember what box I picked up, but The Boyfriend told me to put it back.  “You already have cereal at home.”

I’m fairly certain I looked at him like worms were crawling out of his eyeballs.  What the hell was he smoking now?

I knew we had cereal at home.  I was buying the variety cereal.  The cereal to eat in conjunction with whatever plain type I had at home.  It made total sense to me.  Then again, I always think I’m a genius.

The argument raged in the back of the store.  I wanted my variety cereal, he didn’t want to pay for it.  I don’t know how it turned into such a BFD, but it did.  Unhappily, I left the store without my cereal, but it became a big issue for months. At first it was funny, you know “haha we argued over cereal!”  It became a joke among our friends.  “Don’t bring up The Cereal Incident”.  I jokingly (?) called the Boyfriend a Cereal Killer.  (That’s still funny, actually…).  It was a funny story, The Cereal Incident.  But grocery shopping was never the same.  And eventually it turned into a real issue.  “I never get what I want.”  “You spend too much money.”

On my birthday, a couple of months later, The Friend came to my party with a grocery bag of TWO different cereals.  A variety cereal and a staple cereal; just like I wanted.  I remember feeling so loved and vindicated with my TWO different cereals.  But I also remember the look of anger and hurt on The Boyfriend’s face.  And looking back…it was sort of weird that The Friend brought a gift that was a direct reference to a really huge issue in our lives and was something that I clearly wasn’t getting from The Boyfriend.  I know it’s pretty lame, but that’s hugely metaphorical at this point. Wow.

I know that I am not single because of a box of cereal. I don’t even eat cereal anymore.  But I know that I am single because of that incident–I wasn’t mature enough to discuss what was really behind the argument.  I can look back and cite two things:  a) we never discussed finances and if we did, it wasn’t on the maturity level it should have been.  We had no business living together if we couldn’t get that shit straight—and we definitely could NOT get it straight.  And b) I was far too stubborn to give in during a fight about a box of cereal?  Oh, that’s mature, Blonde.  It goes on to show how I couldn’t let shit go, couldn’t resolve issues.

Am I different today?  I’d like to think so.  Of course there’s no way to tell until I actually get into another relationship.  But I’d like to think that I am not that same stupid girl, standing in a grocery store cereal aisle saying “This is so fucking stupid” loud enough for children to hear.  It’s moments like this when I remember a story, but see it from another perspective, and want to write The Boyfriend.  I just want to say “Damn, I was stupid.  And I am sorry.  I don’t want you back, but I want to say that I am sorry that I was so lame.  Please don’t tell these stories to your new girlfriend as evidence of what a bitch I am, because it just makes me look stupid too.”  But I know that I can’t write that letter, and in the end it wouldn’t matter if I did.  It is what it is and there’s no turning back.

So, here I am.  Single.  Because of a damn box of cereal.  Sigh.

Advertisements

20 thoughts on “The Blonde Chooses Between 2 Boxes of Cereal or a Boyfriend

  1. What a great post. I worry about things like that all the time. No, not cereal, but about being so set in my ways and not able to change or see a different viewpoint on ‘silly’ things, that I may just remain single forever (and not by choice).

  2. Even if you don’t get to write the letter, I think it’s great that you can look back at things and see them from another perspective – I think that gives you a good chance of doing things differently in the future. Life is a learning experience – corny but true!

  3. I think you need to decide why you want a boyfriend. I know clock-ticking complicates matters for women but are there other reasons? Make a list. As I mentioned before, for guys a relationship is about building new things, but that doesn’t sound like what you want. Even if you don’t actually finish the list, the attempt should clarify for you what is and is not important. Long-term success requires compromise, but you have to know what is compromisable(?) and knowing your list will help in that process.

    If all you want is sperm I would be happy to donate 🙂

    1. Definitely am under no illusion that I should or am looking for a boyfriend at the current time! Am I looking to go on dates and meet people? ABSOLUTELY! But boyfriend is not really something I’m after. I have been in a committed and entirely too serious relationship the majority of my formative years. So, a list of reasons that pertain to why I’m looking for a boyfriend? Can’t come yet. Maybe after I date some…which is actually really quickly beginning to form..

      Strangely enough, as much as I love and absolutely ache for children, I don’t hear my own clock ticking. If I had a baby pop out today, I’d be ecstatic..seriously..but I am not actively looking for someone to settle down with asap.

      But thanks for the sperm offer! Congrats on being the first person to ever offer me sperm (specifically for a baby!) 😉

      xoxo The Blonde

      1. If this is true then what is wrong with Mr. Cats? He gets you, you get him. He is honest. He is in a relationship already so he won’t be heartbroken to discover you just want to have fun. Something doesn’t add up…

      2. I want to go on dates. For sure. I’m not setting out to find a boyfriend TODAY, but eventually I’d like one. And I’m not going to date someone who’s got a girlfriend–again. It sucks. It’s not fun.

        xoxo The Blonde.

  4. I think I finally figured you out. Since you requested it in an earlier reply I have also written a bio that is certain to get many replies of the sort you are looking for:
    “Stubborn high maintenance girl interested in the dating lifestyle. Send me a note for a ticket to a ride you will never forget.”
    I am not intending this to be mean, even though when I read it sounds like it. Basically if you let the guys know you want to enjoy dating for a bit, rather than sounding “fake” like your other bio, you will get many replies from those of the same mindset.

    1. “Stubborn high maintenance girl interested in the dating lifestyle”

      I really resent that. I don’t know if I’m interested in the dating lifestyle or not! I’ve never tried it.

      xoxo The Blonde.

  5. I’ll offer my sperm also, but judging from your cereal budget, you can’t afford my little fellas.

    While you identified an underlying problem that led up to the cereal rage; a lot of arguments or relationship conflicts involve people just wanting to be right, and unwilling to move off their position. In this case it was cereal, but I’ve heard stories about potato mashers and folding towels.

    1. Well, Kyle, given that it was almost 5 years ago that happened, maybe I could afford your sperm. But again, I’m not shopping right now. Thanks for the offer, though!

      And as for ‘having to be right’–I think you hit the nail on the head there. If ever a case could be made for two people (only children even!) who had to be right every time…it was The Boyfriend and I…

      Thanks for reading! xoxox The Blonde

  6. I am blown away that someone would consider “Why don’t you just date the guy with a girlfriend?” to be helpful advice.

    I see two main points to dating:
    1. Getting to know people (in general) to see what you like and don’t like, what types of people you’re compatible with, etc., so that you can figure out what you need in a long-term partner.
    2. Getting to know a specific person to see whether you’re compatible and can become long-term partners.

    Dating someone who already has a partner completely forecloses that 2nd option, and it puts you in an awful position. What if you realize you are compatible, but he’s not willing to dump his girlfriend for you? The reason why Crime Dramas use the “HE WAS GOING TO LEAVE HER FOR ME! HE LOVES ME!” trope so often is because it’s usually bullshit. He was never going to leave his wife for the crazy stalker nanny/secretary/waitress. So why would anyone earnestly suggest that someone deliberately put themselves in that situation?

    And even if he did leave his S.O. for you, wouldn’t that create trust issues? Wouldn’t you worry that he wouldn’t stop looking for something better? It kind of goes back to your post about settling—you aren’t really settling down with someone if you’re looking for something better/newer/shinier. Maybe your other commenters would have no problem being with someone they stole from someone else, but I know from my own experiences that I could never be in that position again. (And for a while, I didn’t even KNOW I was the “other woman.”)

    And all of that tl;dr stuff above? It doesn’t even address the fact that your commenters are suggesting that you should consider helping someone else cheat on his significant other. Apparently they’re forgetting that there’s an innocent third party who’d probably be upset if they found out that their significant other was flirting with someone else behind their back. (I’m just not that much of a Polyanna to believe that Ms. Cats was encouraging Mr. Cats to flirt with The Blonde, but maybe I’m wrong.) I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be the girlfriend in that situation.

    I shouldn’t even have to say this, but dating with the intention of developing a relationship with someone is NOT THE SAME as feeling pressure to have a baby. Don’t let people tell you that you’re high maintenance or being silly if you don’t want to become the third wheel in someone else’s relationship.

    1. Thanks for explaining all that. I did read it, and I agree with you. But was just too tired to explain exactly why CATS wasn’t the best idea.

      Everything you wrote? Been there, done that. Sadly I didn’t buy the t-shirt.

      Thank you.
      xoxo The Blonde.

  7. Any relationship that requires trust is doomed to fail since people are not machines. Ever wonder why the divorce rate is so high? It isn’t because of a sudden discovery of compatibility issues, or even falling out of love (cant be done). It is because one or both sides set an impossible standard of trust that not even priests can live up to. Then the inevitable failure to live up to this ideal leads to all sorts of internal and couple issues that spirals down into anger, loathing and a very bitter ending.
    Why go that road? Why not just take what your partner has to offer each day and give what you have to give each day? There are no expectations so every day is a blessing and every gift a surprise.
    About the competition thing, if you cant handle the worry about someone offering your significant other a better deal then you will have a very tough time past the age of 35.
    Finally, bf/gf is not the same as mr/mrs – legally, morally, and romantically.

  8. Wow. If you honestly believe that all relationships that require trust are doomed to fail, or that you wouldn’t treat your boy/girlfriend the same way that you’d hopefully treat your life partner, then I have to say I’m not at all surprised that you’re offering your sperm to a complete stranger on the Internet.

    You’re equating trust with not putting any effort into a relationship. You’re saying that you can’t take a relationship one day at a time/cherish the time you have with someone AND trust them. That doesn’t even make any sense. Why would you want to have an emotional and physical relationship with someone you wouldn’t trust? That’s… not rational.

    Your moral relativism is astonishing. I’m glad I’ll never be dating you.

    1. /sigh
      OK I will try again. First off, respect has far more impact in a relationship than trust does. You clearly do not understand people if you think anyone is trustworthy. So what to do? You just have to have faith that everyone is basically a good person and is trying their best. You find someone you respect and plan a life together.
      Building a house with a foundation of something as unreachable as trust means the whole house will come crumbling down once the inevitable slip-up occurs. Even the pressure of trust immediately strains relationships due to constant social stresses of sex in our culture. Fault lines appear as soon as you turn on the TV or walk in a mall. It is not rational to force someone to be pure unless you force them to live in a cave. Expectations are relationship killers. I would not date anyone who expected anything.
      Just because you do not understand a viewpoint does not make it irrational.

      1. You are the master of logical fallacy.

        In addition to equating trust with not putting forth effort into a relationship, you also equate it to forcing your SO to “become pure.” What is this I don’t even… being in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t be attracted to anyone else—and nobody here ever said it did.

        It appears that you just hate the word trust, and instead replace it with “respect.” You didn’t mention respect at all in your original comment, btw. So how can I fail to understand a viewpoint you don’t articulate?

        I would not date anyone who expected anything.

        Hence why I’m not surprised that you’re peddling your sperm on the Internet. Expecting someone NOT to cheat on them is kind of a nonstarter in a serious relationship. Just because you don’t understand that doesn’t mean it’s irrational. Or untrue.

  9. You sound unhappy. I was not trying to make anyone unhappy. There is so much unhappiness in the world that my morality demands I make an effort to help and this forum provided another avenue.
    If you would only consider the ideas I am presenting. Also consider the evidence of divorce rates. It isn’t because all men are pigs!
    The basic premise is that requiring trust in a relationship is fatal due to the fallibility of humans. That is all. Respect was just an extra topic that I added to expand into more discussions and will be happy to explore if you wish.

    1. There’s a distinction between trust and blind faith–trust is reliance on someone’s behavior and confidence that they’re being authentic and honest based on your past experiences with them. Yeah, people make mistakes, but I don’t think that means you shouldn’t trust them. And trusting someone doesn’t mean that your relationship with them will be successful or healthy.

      But I’ll use the term respect. I don’t think that people who cheat respect his/her partner. And I don’t think that suggesting that someone facilitate cheating is very respectful, either. You’re right––there is enough unhappiness in the world already.

      And of course men aren’t pigs! Some people are just prize assholes, and these qualities don’t discriminate based on gender. And I think that in other cases, people get caught up wanting to have a successful wedding and don’t consider how they’re going to have a successful marriage.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s