A Picture is Worth 1,000 Words. Sometimes.

I have come to some conclusions in the past week or so as I browse endless profiles on OkCupid.  Most of these conclusions I make in about twenty seconds.  And it’s all based on profile pictures.

I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking ‘Even The Blonde is human! She judges appearance too!’ But friends, my judgment isn’t based on what you look like at all.  I have discovered three things in profile pictures that are completely unrelated to your face that, if they are there, I will immediately judge you as unattractive.

1) Your children in your profile picture.  I love children, don’t get me wrong. In fact, when I babysit, my ovaries practically ache with want.  Sincerely.  But when I see your children in OkCupid profile pictures, I am disgusted.  First off, why on earth would you want your photos of your children on a dating site?  Shouldn’t there be some boundaries for your children with regards to privacy?  And furthermore, when I see you posed there with your ‘kids’ (as you are so apt to call them) I feel like you are trying to manipulate me (which is bad) by using your children (which is worse).  Gross.  I love children, and therefore, don’t want to see yours on a dating site!

2)  Shirtless pictures–I have found so many profile pictures on OkCupid of shirtless men staring into bathroom mirrors with their cellphones stretched behind their heads (to capture the entire body! duh!).  I’ve seen so many, in fact, that I’ve actually added to my profile “You should contact me if… you have a shirt on in your profile picture” because apparently it’s that rare.  Why?  You are not The Situation and you should probably be proud of that.  Your shirtless picture makes me judge you.  Sorry.  I just think you’re dumb.

3) Pictures that clearly showcase someone else that you’ve not-so-carefully-cut-out  First off, do you realize that I can still see someone’s arm?  Is it a girl’s arm?  Most likely.  Second, is this the only digital picture you have of yourself?  Find a friend and take a picture alone.  Preferably not with your kids and not with your shirt off.  And don’t send me a message because if you have to find a friend with a digital camera, I’m pretty much not going to have a real interest in you.

I’m sorry, I’m a judgmental Blonde.  But it’s not for the typical reasons.  I just think that a picture says 1,000 words. But some pictures only say one word:  Loser.

xoxo The Blonde.


8 thoughts on “A Picture is Worth 1,000 Words. Sometimes.

  1. I agree with you about the kids, but some people probably think that they’re doing you a courtesy by letting you know that they have children. (“See? They’re right there, hanging off of my legs and sitting on my shoulders like little monkeys! HOW ADORABLE!”) Yeah, they could say they have kids in the text of their profile, but that would make sense, and this is OKCupid. 😉

    Most people, though, probably are trying to use the kids as a woman-magnet. If it works with puppies, it has to work with children, right?

    And cropped pictures DRIVE ME CRAZY. Even on Facebook and Twitter. If you have some kind of digital presence, you probably have a phone with a camera. Use it—if the shirtless neanderthals figured it out, so can you.

    1. I appreciate the heads up on the children thing, but I don’t want to meet them until we’re well established. But then again, this is OkCupid, so just bring them on the date, right?


  2. In addition to your excellent points…

    a) All of your pictures are in bars and/or with an alcoholic beverage in hand. This sends a very clear message. The wrong message: /all/ of your spare time is spent in bars and/or drinking, therefore no human has ever seen you long enough have taken a picture in any other environment.

    b) The mirror shot: You both have no friends and are’t clever enough to figure out that you should aim the /viewfinder/ and not the /lens/ into the mirror (but even if you do we can still tell it’s a bathroom shot. Seriously, pay someone to be your friend for 5 minutes if you have to. Bribe the manager at McDonalds if you must)

    c) Children, aside from the privacy thing, I have to say it makes me question judgement: You’re about my age (still pretty young), never married, and you have kids [old enough to be in elementary school]…

    But that’s just from a jaded guy who’s been doing the Match.com thing for 9 years with only very marginal success.

  3. Goodness, I know what you mean. I was on POF for awhile, until I couldn’t stand the shirtless profiles any longer. Even with normal pictures (sometimes) you end up with douchebags anyway!!! Good luck surfing, I’ve given up!

    1. Once, right after my break up with The Boyfriend, I was sort of crying to a friend. And I was like “What if I never find someone again?” and they suggested POF.. and about two days they asked me what I thought. And I said “Actually if POF is what’s out there, maybe I’m okay with not finding someone” and they said “exactly”.

      Of course, I was half joking. But half serious. So I feel you on POF.

      xoxo The Blonde.

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