Q&A Tuesday: Facebook Friends?

Most every Tuesday I answer questions submitted by readers on my formspring.me account.  I invite questions or insight anonymously on the site and answer them in a post the following week. Submit your questions for next week’s edition by clicking this link.  Link opens in a new window.



Q:  Dear Blonde, are you Facebook friends with The Boyfriend? And should I be Facebook friends with my ex?

The answer to this question isn’t so simple, reader.  You see, every situation is different.  But if I had to err on the side of anything, it would be caution, and I would tell you that being Facebook friends with an ex probably isn’t the best idea out there.

Now, if you dated casually, it might be okay and something that isn’t bothersome, but if you are exiting a serious relationship and the Facebook question arises, I think perhaps it’s best if you click the ‘unadd’ button and don’t look back.

To explain myself, maybe I should answer the first half of your question..I’m not friends with The Boyfriend on Facebook.  In fact, I avoid him and most of his connections on any social networking site.  Part of that is because I know my limits.  Part of being a happy-go-lucky Blonde is not surrounding myself with things that bring me down.  And during the early stages of my break-up, having to see day-to-day updates of my ex’s life was definitely a bring-down. I operate on an out-of-site, out-of-mind basis.  When I don’t see on social networking sites, I don’t have to worry about in the wee hours of the morning when I’m having trouble sleeping.  This became even more necessary when The Boyfriend got a Girlfriend.  I was on my path to enlightenment and didn’t need to dwell on theirs. And as Facebook expanded (gee I feel old!) it became necessary to block family members of The Boyfriend who came up in my totally clueless and misguided Suggested Friends list.

Have I ever been tempted to see what The Boyfriend is doing? In the beginning, a million times.  But somehow, the same thing that always prevents me from driving to his apartment to see the dog I left behind stops me from Facebooking him.  Some things, for me, are best left in the past.

Accidents still happen.  More than once I’ve posted something on a friend’s Facebook status only to see, hours later, that they are responding to something The Boyfriend wrote.  But because we have one another blocked, we can’t see the entire conversation. There was a time when we were accidentally Twitter friends.  Yes, accidentally.  His Gmail automatically imported contacts and I guess I was still in there.  That lasted about three days before we mutually blocked one another.  I guess for him, it’s better to not know what The Blonde is doing…just like it’s best that I don’t have to see his daily updates, either.

My case is personal, but it could be different for others.. if you have a clingy ex, then having a Facebook connection is an even worse idea.  It gives someone a glimpse at you.  Your connections, your pictures, your fabulousness.  It’s all there for inspection…

Ultimately, friend, the choice is yours.  But if you’re not up for talking to your ex daily on the phone, why would you ever want them on your Facebook page?


2 thoughts on “Q&A Tuesday: Facebook Friends?

  1. I agree that this is a tough one, but as a fellow fabulous blond, I agree with you that, barring a legal/unavoidable reason to keep the connection alive (kids, mutually owned property, taxes, business, etc), making The Ex as invisible as possible in one’s life is probably for the best. I’ve had to watch friends (and, occasionally, myself) suffer through stalking Exes online, and it always breaks my heart for them and their pain.

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