I’m Looking For Full Time Employment

I’ve told you about my friend The Brunette, right? She’s a great friend, always there to talk about dating and relating. She shares stories with me, listens to my straight-up weird scenarios that I always end up falling ass-backwards into (somehow..)..and sometimes I’d like to think that she’s my alter ego. You know, if alter egos weren’t so downright creepy.

What I mean is, The Brunette has more experience, tells raunchier stories, and generally isn’t afraid to say whatever needs to be said. Where I am the sweet, self-aware blonde, she’s the tough but sexy brunette. So let me channel her for just a moment and type something very out of character for The Blonde.

It all started out with a Blackberry Messenger conversation… cue dream sequence music and fuzzy camera workTonight we were chatting. The subject of being someone’s side piece came up.

“And then he said to me ‘I wish we could fuck every night'”, The Brunette typed out the sentence a boy, (who has a very serious girlfriend, mind you!) just sent her.

And her reply? “Hello! That’s what your girlfriend is for!”

And she’s right. A relationship like that takes work and effort, and ‘fucking every night’…do I really need to tell you that takes effort too? It’s a lot of work with a small amount of payoff, even with amazing, mind-blowing sex.

Of course, I’ve been in the same position. By choice, I was someone’s side piece for a very long time. And when you take that role on, you realize that it comes with no benefits. It’s a part time job. But you put in hours like it’s a full time commitment.

Boyfriends, like employers, only have to extend benefits when you serve in a full-time capacity. Putting in a full forty hours per week at a job ensures that you’re entitled the right to purchase health insurance; ‘fucking every night’ earns me the right to not be something on the side. And if you want me to work that hard and not get the benefits? Sorry, The (new and improved) Blonde isn’t down for that(any more!).

I told The Brunette that I wasn’t ever going to hold down a full time job like that without benefits. In other words, there will never be another time that I have sex with someone on the regular and I don’t get to be the main attraction.

Because it’s hard. You put a lot of emotion into what you do. Sure, having sex is fun and that’s probably a benefit in and of itsself..but most normal people (myself included) put more into a relationship, even if you’re just a side piece, than just the physical part. Somewhere along the lines you develop feelings and you end up being a girlfriend that does all the work and gets very little out of the scenario. The reward for caring so much, for being loyal and unquestioning, for being a girlfriend, should be the love, support, and time of your significant other. When you’re feeling the need for that emotional fufillment, you should have the payoff of them being there. If they’re not…? Well it’s like working all week at the factory, and catching a cold…but you didn’t get the chance to buy insurance and now you can’t get medicine.

So…I wouldn’t work at a job full time and not expect benefits. I’m not going to work at a relationship full time and not expect the same benefits.


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