Celibacy Goggles


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Last week I lamented the bad luck that had befallen me. A rare instance of obsession with someone I just met.  The obsession with Gator makes absolutely no sense in the long-term scheme of things.

Sure, this could be a rare instance of love-at-first-sight.  Maybe the stars aligned.  Maybe what little I know about Gator is enough to make this leap of faith.

But more likely, it’s the effects of the lack of sex in my life that is shadowing my view of the situation.  I know I rarely delve into such personal issues here, but it’s becoming a real liability, this lack of physical attention.

Though my “number” is relatively low, the amount of sex I am used to is fairly..high? So as I sit here, not having been physically intimate with someone since November, I can honestly say that’s the longest run The Blonde has made  since sixteen. 

Sex isn’t a requirement for a fulfilled life, but it doesn’t hurt, either.  But the problem with not having that part of life is that your mind begins playing tricks on you.

Sometimes it’s subconscious.  Maybe you have a dream about someone who you wouldn’t normally dream about You know what I mean, maybe it’s a friend or a boss that you’ve never view in a sexual way, and suddenly you’re naked in a  supply closet.. in your mind’s eye.  It serves to make the waking hours just a little more awkward with that person.

And I’m starting to think that when you’re wearing the celibacy goggles (not by choice, at least) that your waking hours are more difficult, too.  In my case, my celibacy goggles have magnified a situation into more than it really ever could be…but I can’t stop thinking about it. Gator and all his wonderful and flirtatious ways, is stuck in my head.

The problem with celibacy goggles is that they’re not so easy to remove.  Sure, one good romp in the sack would remove them completely…but the longer I go without sex, the more likely I am to attach of lot of feelings to the person I sleep with.  So it’s a very fine line I’m walking here.

I’m ready to peel the goggles off, but not at any cost. 

Man, being single is harder than I thought..

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4 thoughts on “Celibacy Goggles

  1. I wouldn’t give up and compromise. Keep working at it. Love only has to work once and when you find the right person, all the effort will be worth it and seem like nothing. (at least that’s what I’m telling myself 🙂 )

  2. I’m ready to peel the goggles off, but not at any cost.

    You only need to look at the catastrophe that was my Spring 2010 to see the dangers of jumping into a purely physical relationship… And I’m sure your resident Wannabe Lap Dog (if he still reads this blog) would concur. 😉

    You’re much more self-aware than I was, though. I was desperate for attention and approval because I didn’t get much of either during the latter half few months of my relationship—but I didn’t realize that until recently. Knowing that you’re vulnerable to attaching feelings to a sex partner will prevent you from making a stupid decision to impulsively jump into bed with someone, I think. It’s so nice to flirt and get attention, and it’s so easy to internalize it and dwell on it, but it seems like you know the line between casual and serious flirting, whereas I definitely did not.

  3. I agree with Jessica, you are impressively self aware.

    I have found myself attracted to my (seriously unattractive) boss in meetings sometimes. Some cheesy porn-style story lines involving desk chairs come to mind…

    Anyway, when it’s been a while inbetween sack sessions the bar is lowered. Just make sure you draw the line between fantasies and what (who) you would actually do. 😉

    xoxo
    -Bianca

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