I’m not one to fall easily–or at all–for individuals. I hae always had to ‘warm up’ to people, and I’d consider myself slower than most people when it comes to the warm-up-process.
But this weekend I went against my normal stand-off attitude and now I’m feeling down. I don’t know what came over me. Maybe I was having my own “Monster’s Ball” moment…(You know, the Hallie Berry scene?) or maybe I genuinely did just find myself with a person that was that intriguing.
A super-close friend of my aunt’s family spent a lot of time with us this weekend. I was probably attracted to him before I met him; people spent years telling me how awesome this person..let’s call him..Gator..is. Smart, hilarious, great.
But then I finally met Gator. And he was all of those things and more. He was BFF with the person I wrote about earlier who passed away. So we spent a lot of time together. Eating talking, telling stories. Drinking beer. And getting to know one another. He harassed me over wearing orange. I told him to get out the house wearing his gator blue (hence the name). And from what very little I got to know about him, he’s as awesome as everyone told me.
And apparently, after a while he started digging him some Blonde, too. Because things started turning toward the “I know you want me” department. Nothing ever happened, but it was nice flirting and knowing I can still pull it.
Unfortunately, we live 500 miles a part, and Gator has a sort-of-girlfriend.
I told my friend I feel ‘lovelorn’. I feel unfulfilled in a way. I hate flirting and not having some pay off. I hate getting to know someone and having them taken away.
I think this feeling is why I am so slow to warm to a new person. Can you imagine feeling this way every time you met a new person? I can’t. I couldn’t function if I did.
I am Facebook friends with Gator, maybe we can talk. But for now I am moping about, wishing I had followed my rules and not gotten attached.