Like Is Attracted To Like

Bar magnet
Magnetic attraction is much easier to explain.

I hope my friend doesn’t mind.  I’m going to discuss her current situation here, in some detail.  Names changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent.


I have this great female friend that lives a few hours away.  She’s awesome in a lot of ways.  She’s funny, responsible, we just click.  I think she’s a spectacular girl and man would seriously score big if they persuaded her to settle down.  And she has two male friends, Thing 1 and Thing 2, that she has in the past and in the present developed varying degrees of feeling for.

Thing 1 was a long-time college friend that recently went to do some contract work in the Middle East.  Girl and Thing 1 haven’t been physically intimate aside from a kiss at a party in college.  But with the distance that has been created, a real sense of longing and missing has been instilled in my friend, making her wonder if there could be more there.  And to compound the feeling, Thing 1 sends her small presents, has kept in constant contact since his deployment, and even sent her money to buy his new clothes and ship them overseas.  There is a real sense of caring and concern.  But Thing 1 recently informed my friend that he just isn’t attracted to her in that way.

Thing 2 is an entirely different story.  Thing 2..they’re friend, but they’ve hooked up.  And not just once, mind you.  But Thing 2 plays the hot and cold game.  Thing 2 behaves as though they’re in a relationship, talks about really wanting to be in a relationship…and then sort of freaks out at the last moment and says “I’m not attracted to you”

Of course, my lovely friend is bummed the hell out.  Two guys? Both say they’re not attracted to her?

Of course I’ve consoled her in the only way I know how.  I pointed out what a liar and asshole Thing 2 is.  What? What about Thing 1 you say?

Thing 1’s story is plausible for two reasons.  First and foremost, I believe Thing 1 because he’s never attempted to take the conversations or the situations to an inappropriate place.  Thing 1 is respectful, supportive, and kind to my friend.  Thing 1 easily could take advantage of her feelings and try to capitalize on those and he never did.  Second, I think Thing 1 and my friend are so close as friends that it’s hard for him to transition from the “friend” feeling to the “lover” feeling.  It’s sort of like the ladder theory, but I don’t have time to spell all that out.  I’m just saying..Thing 1 is probably telling the truth, but not because she’s unattractive.  Just because she’s a friend.

Thing 2?  He’s a liar.  He’s attracted to my friend.  Their friendship, if you could call it that, isn’t based on the same respect and caring nature that Thing 1 exhibits.  The simple fact that Thing 2 has blatantly had sex with my friend shows me that he is attracted to my friend.  Now, whether he wants a relationship or not is another story…but using physical attraction to her in his reasoning behind why they can’t be together is entirely false.  I believe that it is impossible to sleep with someone who you aren’t, on some level, attracted to.

If you had more background on Thing 2, you’d know why I think that he is attracted to my friend but thinks he shouldn’t be.  My friend is a free spirit, she is fun-loving and caring.  She’s accepting of differences, she is motivated and ambitious.  And I think Thing 2 is scared of that.  I think Thing 2 envisions himself with a wife that is either a stay-at-home mother or an elementary school teacher.  I think Thing 2 needs to be dominant and in-charge and part of him knows that with my friend, he’d always at the very least be sharing the power and decision-making 50-50.

Am I wrong here, men? Can you sleep with someone you’re 100% not attracted to at all?



4 thoughts on “Like Is Attracted To Like

  1. Having not, ahem, done that, I might not be speaking from the best perspective, but…

    I don’t think there’s a conclusive answer; I think there are men and women who have a low threshhold for whom they will sleep with, and there are others with a very high threshold. Perhaps Thing 2 is a low-thershold-er.

    In my case, there are women who I have been very attracted to but never got to a point in the relationship (or never had a relationship in the first place) where I felt enough of an intellectual connection to press for the physical.

    How’s that for a non-answer?

    1. Perfect answer. I think it just depends on the situation. I think the intellectual connection, for me, is more important that the physical. I am always ready for physical intimacy once I’m intellectually attracted to someone..but I’ve never been physically attracted to someone and just wanted to get to that point if the intellectual connection..

      xoxo The Blonde

  2. I haven’t personally slept with someone I wasn’t attracted to, but a lot of guys seem to claim that they can/have/would. Plus there’s the alcohol factor – they might be attracted to someone when drunk but not when sober.

    The thing is, it’s kind of irrelevant whether Thing 2 is attracted to your friend, because it sounds like he’s a jerk and she’d be better off without him! I think that women can get hooked on jerks because they want to figure them out, to understand why they blow hot and cold and what they’re “really” thinking, but there’s no great mystery really – sometimes he wants sex, sometimes he doesn’t, and he’s not too bothered about her feelings in any of this. (I’m not saying it’s only women who can get hooked into this, of course – and I know that I’m generalising without knowing your friend’s particular situation that well.)

    1. There has to be an initial attcartion doesn’t there- online dating is one place you can be picky! I’ve had a few messages ignored myself, you have to except that your not everybody’s cup of tea, and they have to except that they might not be your’s.

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