I hope my friend doesn’t mind. I’m going to discuss her current situation here, in some detail. Names changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent.
I have this great female friend that lives a few hours away. She’s awesome in a lot of ways. She’s funny, responsible, we just click. I think she’s a spectacular girl and man would seriously score big if they persuaded her to settle down. And she has two male friends, Thing 1 and Thing 2, that she has in the past and in the present developed varying degrees of feeling for.
Thing 1 was a long-time college friend that recently went to do some contract work in the Middle East. Girl and Thing 1 haven’t been physically intimate aside from a kiss at a party in college. But with the distance that has been created, a real sense of longing and missing has been instilled in my friend, making her wonder if there could be more there. And to compound the feeling, Thing 1 sends her small presents, has kept in constant contact since his deployment, and even sent her money to buy his new clothes and ship them overseas. There is a real sense of caring and concern. But Thing 1 recently informed my friend that he just isn’t attracted to her in that way.
Thing 2 is an entirely different story. Thing 2..they’re friend, but they’ve hooked up. And not just once, mind you. But Thing 2 plays the hot and cold game. Thing 2 behaves as though they’re in a relationship, talks about really wanting to be in a relationship…and then sort of freaks out at the last moment and says “I’m not attracted to you”
Of course, my lovely friend is bummed the hell out. Two guys? Both say they’re not attracted to her?
Of course I’ve consoled her in the only way I know how. I pointed out what a liar and asshole Thing 2 is. What? What about Thing 1 you say?
Thing 1’s story is plausible for two reasons. First and foremost, I believe Thing 1 because he’s never attempted to take the conversations or the situations to an inappropriate place. Thing 1 is respectful, supportive, and kind to my friend. Thing 1 easily could take advantage of her feelings and try to capitalize on those and he never did. Second, I think Thing 1 and my friend are so close as friends that it’s hard for him to transition from the “friend” feeling to the “lover” feeling. It’s sort of like the ladder theory, but I don’t have time to spell all that out. I’m just saying..Thing 1 is probably telling the truth, but not because she’s unattractive. Just because she’s a friend.
Thing 2? He’s a liar. He’s attracted to my friend. Their friendship, if you could call it that, isn’t based on the same respect and caring nature that Thing 1 exhibits. The simple fact that Thing 2 has blatantly had sex with my friend shows me that he is attracted to my friend. Now, whether he wants a relationship or not is another story…but using physical attraction to her in his reasoning behind why they can’t be together is entirely false. I believe that it is impossible to sleep with someone who you aren’t, on some level, attracted to.
If you had more background on Thing 2, you’d know why I think that he is attracted to my friend but thinks he shouldn’t be. My friend is a free spirit, she is fun-loving and caring. She’s accepting of differences, she is motivated and ambitious. And I think Thing 2 is scared of that. I think Thing 2 envisions himself with a wife that is either a stay-at-home mother or an elementary school teacher. I think Thing 2 needs to be dominant and in-charge and part of him knows that with my friend, he’d always at the very least be sharing the power and decision-making 50-50.
Am I wrong here, men? Can you sleep with someone you’re 100% not attracted to at all?