Something weird happened to me over my little mini-break. No, I don’t mean the pink eye that I somehow contracted OR the bizarre ending to the UT vs. UNC Music City Bowl (which, by the way, what the hell WAS that?)…
I think I decided that I’m really ready to start dating. Seriously dating.
I don’t know what came over me, but somehow between declaring maniacally that I don’t care if I ever get married at a Christmas function (and I meant that. Because really, who asks if I’ve ‘found someone’ literally three weeks after you asked at the last holiday?) and shopping for a stroller with an expectant relative…I just realized….I want that.
I want someone to come to holidays with me. I want someone to watch bowl games with me. A kiss at midnight would be nice. Children to open presents on Christmas Day would be excellent. Someone deserves to have to listen to me sing in the car to Lady Gaga. Someone needs to play Wii bowling with me so I can stop making Mii figures of celebrities. There is room in my life again.
And I can finally picture myself doing these things. For so long, the picture was complete. I was young, I had found my mate, and I knew how it would look. I thought a lot about my wedding, the birth of children, the future. I used to have the scene painted in my mind’s eye. And when that scenario faded out, I couldn’t picture anything about my future. My mind honestly couldn’t imagine what it would be like to hold my child, or wear a wedding dress, or embrace someone again.
But I was standing in a Sears department store, pushing an orange jogging stroller through an aisle, and it hit me. It felt right. And suddenly, the picture was very fuzzy, but it was in my mind.
So all along when I thought I was on the path here, with this blog, dating and relating and having ‘innocent’ fun with boys…I wasn’t really on the path at all. I can tell that this time, it’s different. This time, I want to let someone in. I’m not saying that I’m going to marry the next person I date, or that it’s imperative that I have a child in 2011 or maybe even 2012. But I am saying that I ready to do this thing. I’m ready to move on with my life.
I’m ready for what’s next.