Kiss and Tell

The last date I went on a while back ended with a goodnight kiss.  Against my better judgment. Mostly because I felt guilty for not doing it. It felt wrong and I ended up not wanting to see him for a second time because he made such an issue of the kiss on the first date.  I sort of felt stupid for doing something I wasn’t comfortable doing.  And I also felt stupid for being 25 and falling victim to something so petty.

I’m about to blow your mind, folks.  Are you ready?

I’m a fairly modest girl. Don’t adjust your computer screens. You read it correctly. I am fairly modest.  Most of my friends and family would be shocked and try to disagree with that statement, but I know deep down in my heart its the truth. 

Sometimes I feel like I get a bad reputation having lived with The Boyfriend and having admitted to a very serious affair with The Friend.  But this is certainly not a case of any port in a storm or anything like that.  I can count on my right hand how many people I’ve kissed.  I can count on my ring fingers how many people I’ve had full-blown sex with. 

I went on three dates with The Boyfriend before I kissed him.  Three dates.  Of course, I was 15 at the time and it seemed right at the time to take things slowly. We dated for about a year before I decided to have sex with him.  It’s not something I regret, not something I wish I had saved for a husband.  But it is something I’m glad I didn’t throw it around earlier than I did. 

It is not a hard and fast rule that I have, this refusal to kiss on a first date.  But it is something I can tell you I rarely feel interested in doing.  And it worries me.  Senseless worry, but worry nonetheless.  I worry that I will be judged prudish.  I worry that I’m missing out on something good when I turn someone down.  I worry that I’ll compromise my own feelings and give in.  I worry that I won’t compromise and I’ll miss out.

Am I weird? Is it too old-fashioned to want to hold off?


3 thoughts on “Kiss and Tell

  1. From a guy’s perspective: I’m a little uncomfortable with physical contact of any kind with a stranger (and let’s face it after 1 or 2 dates you’re still pretty much a stranger) so I don’t think that “no first date kissing” is a bad guideline… Slow and steady wins the race.

    The thought of kissing someone on the first date has never crossed my mind as proper; even on the 2nd date I’m not sure how I’d feel about kissing (though I’m open to hugging at this point)

    The last woman I was -truly- interested in and the first whom I made it to a 3rd date with I -really- wanted to sneak a kiss on the cheek at the end of the 3rd date, but then I chickened out while we were higging (still one of the tightest hugs ever).

    She’s an awesome person and she and I are still very good friends (probably my best friend) but after the 3rd date she told me she met someone she felt a connection with… part of me wonders what would have happened had we actually kissed.

    I’ve had one other person get to 3 dates since then…and at the end of that date I still had no urge to kiss her. After that one, we kind of mutually agreed that it wouldn’t be a good idea to continue seeing each other and I have no regrets there.

    So I guess it’s all about living in the moment.


  2. I don’t think it’s old fashioned to want to wait for a kiss. The first kiss you have with someone you actually like should be juuuuust right. Sometimes that’s after a few dates. Sometimes it’s after one. I think you just have to play it by ear and see how comfortable you feel with the person.

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