The last date I went on a while back ended with a goodnight kiss. Against my better judgment. Mostly because I felt guilty for not doing it. It felt wrong and I ended up not wanting to see him for a second time because he made such an issue of the kiss on the first date. I sort of felt stupid for doing something I wasn’t comfortable doing. And I also felt stupid for being 25 and falling victim to something so petty.
I’m about to blow your mind, folks. Are you ready?
I’m a fairly modest girl. Don’t adjust your computer screens. You read it correctly. I am fairly modest. Most of my friends and family would be shocked and try to disagree with that statement, but I know deep down in my heart its the truth.
Sometimes I feel like I get a bad reputation having lived with The Boyfriend and having admitted to a very serious affair with The Friend. But this is certainly not a case of any port in a storm or anything like that. I can count on my right hand how many people I’ve kissed. I can count on my ring fingers how many people I’ve had full-blown sex with.
I went on three dates with The Boyfriend before I kissed him. Three dates. Of course, I was 15 at the time and it seemed right at the time to take things slowly. We dated for about a year before I decided to have sex with him. It’s not something I regret, not something I wish I had saved for a husband. But it is something I’m glad I didn’t throw it around earlier than I did.
It is not a hard and fast rule that I have, this refusal to kiss on a first date. But it is something I can tell you I rarely feel interested in doing. And it worries me. Senseless worry, but worry nonetheless. I worry that I will be judged prudish. I worry that I’m missing out on something good when I turn someone down. I worry that I’ll compromise my own feelings and give in. I worry that I won’t compromise and I’ll miss out.
Am I weird? Is it too old-fashioned to want to hold off?