I had an intense conversation today with a friend I trust and the subject hovered around why I don’t try online dating.
I have excuses by the barrel full for it, actually. But the excuses, he said, were pretty lame and not really solid examples of why I don’t want to do it.
“What’s the point of your blog, if you don’t date?”, he asked. I found that question to be especially pointed.
I don’t know the point of this blog if I am not willing to date. I look back over the entries and I see the excuses I’ve made for not dating. I see the entry I wrote about Friends with Benefits. And I see that all I keep saying is that I want the companionship without the work. I want the physical affection without being bothered by the rest of the stuff that comes along with dating.
But that’s not who I really am. I am a sweet and loving person. I have feelings. I have hopes and dreams for my future. I do hope to have a family of my own.
But that requires work and the possibility of rejection. Someone might not like me. Heck, most people might not like me. Someone might hurt me. I might get asked out and never called back. It’s a lot of putting myself out there for the judgment of others. It requires hard work and sacrifice.
I think the reason I am not in law school and didn’t take the LSAT right out of undergraduate is the same reason I’m not dating online. I hate being wrong. More than being wrong, I hate the perception that I am not right. The idea that an outside source is deeming me worthy or not worthy. A fit or not a fit. Right or wrong. I hate that feeling.
I took the LSAT last month and have begun the process of applying to law schools because one day I woke up tired of taking the easy way out. I have a goal, and I refuse to be afraid of it anymore. I’m willing to put myself out there, willing to do what it takes to be happy.
Maybe I’m tired of taking the easy way out with dating too. Maybe it’s time I consider putting myself out there and seriously going on a few dates.
Because at one point, before I started this blog, I thought I was ready.