This week’s little reminder came in an unusual place, my mother’s facebook page. I was reading her recent status updating, saying that she was going to a high school football game with my stepfather rather than her usual exercise class. I know she didn’t graduate from that high school and she wasn’t looking forward to missing her class, and it’s a constant joke in our family about this school that no one but my stepdad attended…so I gave her a quick “WHY?!?!?” comment. And her reply was simple–“(My dad) asked me to go”. So I wrote back quickly “That’s why I’m single! I do what I want!” I was being silly, but then I had an a-ha moment.
My mom doesn’t really want to skip her class, but she’s a good person and sometimes she’s willing to compromise her wants for someone else’s wants–usually me or my stepfather. And when she does it for my stepfather it’s because she’s in a loving, committed relationship and sometimes you just do things that aren’t your first choice. I’ve been there, I remember it.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s a great feeling to do something like this for someone you love. It’s great to want to be a good partner. But have you ever done something in order to be a good girlfriend or boyfriend and had a miserable time? I’ve been there. Sitting somewhere you don’t want to be, maybe watching something you don’t want to watch….you’re wishing you were somewhere else. Or maybe you didn’t go. Do you know that guilt? I do…it’s not a good feeling. Sometimes it’s a catch 22. Go and be miserable, stay and feel guilty. There’s no easy answer. It’s a joy to make someone happy, but sometimes that gets old I guess.
Today I am thankful to be free to truly “do what I want”. I don’t have to contend with the guilt of not being there, but I also don’t have to do anything I’m not looking forward to doing. There are no dinners I don’t want to eat, no family get-togethers to suffer through. And there are no guilt waves that pull me under when I decide to stay home. I don’ t miss making those choices at all.
I realize, in time, I will find someone and be put back in these positions. But I am hopeful that it’s someone that I really do want to make sacrifices for. I hope it’s easier to make the choice, and I hope the guilty feelings don’t last long (or even come. is that possible?). I look forward to the day when I want to be a selfless girlfriend. But today…I’m pretty content being a selfish single. I mean that in the best way possible 😉
Do you make these sacrifices in relationships? Do you have the guilty wave? Have you found someone you want to endure torturous events for? haha.