Fake It Til You Make It


I’ve been thinking about the worst lies you can tell in a relationship.  Of course, any lie is unpleasant and probably ultimately damaging to a relationship…but I find some worse than others.  And in all serious this weekend I finally pinpointed the worst lie you can tell…as a woman.  Can you guess?

I’ve decided faking an orgasm is maybe the worst lie you can tell.  Seriously.  Who does it serve to fake satisfaction from an intimate moment?  Sure, I’ve seen When Harry Met Sally, and yes I’ve faked before.  But when I really sit down and think about it–I shouldn’t have.  I’m not proud that I’ve faked, just two times that I can recall–but I have.

In the moment, I thought I was faking to save his ego.  Nobody wants to feel inadequate or bad at sex, and I certainly didn’t want that feeling equated with ME.  So I faked.  And it’s funny that I’ve had countless other ‘moments’ of ecstasy that I cannot recall, but I remember the two non-incidents right down to the sheets and the time of day and the way the sun was reflecting in the windowsill.  I know it was wrong because I can remember it so vividly.  I told a lie.  Faking is lying.

Statistics show that men fake too. And when it’s turned around on me, the thought that a partner might have previously faked something…essentially lied to me just hurts my feelings.  I would’ve taken the time to be guided rather than just have someone lie to me.  Or maybe you just weren’t feeling it? That would’ve been okay too.

I figure most women who fake do so for very standard reasons:

1) They feel like something is wrong with them for not ‘getting there’

2) They’re too shy to ask for what they need

3) They feel like their needs are less important than their partners.

4) They don’t want their partner to feel bad or have those feelings associated with them.

Do you realize, women, when you fake…you’re telling yourself that sex is for a man’s pleasure and NOT a woman’s pleasure?  What a sexist thought you’ve been conditioned to believe.  And if you tell yourself this enough, eventually you’re going to believe it.  What a disservice to yourself.

I don’t think men want their women to fake in bed.  A good man doesn’t, at least.  Most women who are faking are probably worried about asking their partner for something.  But I just have to believe that if they told their partner they had faked, communication would open up and a generous boyfriend/husband/whatever will help you get comfortable enough to make it happen.

Any man who wants their partner to fake is a self-serving ass with a giant ego, and I always say…who wants THAT in the bedroom? Move along, ladies.

I’ll leave you with this little piece of advice.  If you feel you must fake….go small.  Don’t try to tell the biggest lie in the world.  Tell a white lie.  It’s much more believable and maybe if you’ve jumped the gun on faking…the real one will overshadow the fake one and you’ll end up looking smart rather than dumb.  Don’t go for the sheet-ripping, howling lie.  Let it be a dud.

Alright. This is awkward.

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