I have been fairly grumpy this week. So grumpy, in fact, that I haven’t felt like doing much at all. I’m not sure if it’s from the dog days of summer, the fact that students return to campus on Monday, or maybe bigger issues. The Friend hasn’t contacted me (or…okay I admit it…responded to my attempts at contact) in 3 weeks. And beyond that I’m not really interested in anyone…ugh.
Needless to say I’ve really put off this whole “Freedom Friday” celebration of being single. It’s not always easy. Sometimes you have to sit in the boredom, the emptiness, the quiet. Sometimes you have to pout, I guess.
Have you ever been in a bad mood and wanted to come home and go to bed after a truly bad day at work? What about coming home and not wanting to talk to anyone. Maybe you need a glass of wine and a bath to decompress. Sometimes I just need an hour to myself to calm down. Sometimes an hour doesn’t cut it and you need even more time. There are days when you just aren’t feeling it; days when everything ruffles your feathers. Sometimes…PEOPLE GET ON MY NERVES!
But…do you know what’s worse than being in a mood? One hundred times worse than having a bad day at work? A thousand times more annoying than people getting on your nerves? It’s coming home and having something to do. Maybe it’s cooking dinner, straightening the living room or doing the laundry. Having to idly chat. Having to argue with someone else. Having someone who expects you to drop everything at the door and focus on home life instead of outside distractions. It’s stressful.
Maybe that’s the lesson for today. I’m free to feel whatever I want to feel with no expectations or timeline. I can be in a bad mood any night of the week and if I’d like to go home and go to bed, it’s my prerogative. I don’t have to talk to anyone if I don’t feel like it. I can just be me. Sometimes that’s so freeing. If I’m angry and not hungry, fine. The laundry can wait til tomorrow–I’ll know if I have underwear and work clothes for myself and only I have to live with that outcome. If something at work has upset me, I can either ignore it or focus on it at home, it’s my choice. There’s nobody there to pick at me when I just don’t feel like being picked at.
I realize all relationships aren’t this way. The right person supports you, the right person helps you work through things that upset you. The right person knows when it’s best to give you some alone time. But I haven’t had that before. I know I’ll have it sometime in the future. But part of me wonders if I won’t miss having this freedom. Just a smidge.