Who Am I? Why Am I here?

A friend sent me a copy of Steve Harvey’s book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man in hopes that it might help my pursuit here.  Yes, that Steve Harvey.  It’s honestly a fairly decent book, so far. I find the concept interesting.  Harvey’s going to tell all the ladies what motivates men in relationships.  It’s like having the other team’s playbook.  How could this possibly go wrong?

The first chapter seeks to explain the one true thing that motivates all men in every aspect of their life–identity.  Harvey says men want to know Who They Are, What Their Title is, and How Much Money They Make.  And until they know these three things, they’ll never be able to focus on a female or a relationship.

I was about to roll my eyes at this entire chapter before I took a look at Facebook and scanned through some of the weddings I had attended this year, and looked to see what each groom had in common.  Almost every single one of them had either taken on a new position or graduated from a degree program a few months prior to either the engagement or the actual wedding. Even the 19 year olds who are marrying this weekend (yeah, it freaks me out, too) had a defining moment of graduation from basic training and recently got placed in a job.  These men all have figured out what they’re doing and who they are, I suppose.

And then I looked at every Facebook relationship I knew that had stalled, or couples that have dated long term and haven’t made a formal commitment, and saw that most of these are filled with men who haven’t progressed into a career, or are maybe still pursuing a degree as the moment.  And maybe it just makes sense to wait until you’re done with school or have a better job, because financially it’s a more sound move…but maybe it really does have something to do with the ego, with the amount of attention that can be devoted, with a sense of security and stability, or maybe all three.

I’ve often said I don’t want to date someone that is still in school again, mostly because I really want someone who works a normal schedule.  But honestly, I kind of want them to have already worked through the “who am I? what do I do on this earth?” thing.  I don’t demand that they have a permanent career, or make a ton of money, or anything specific.  I kind of just want them to have a better sense of who they are, if that makes sense.  I’m not saying Steve Harvey is entirely right, I’m just saying as ridiculous as it sounded…..it kind of  makes sense on paper.

That’s all I’ve got today. I am tired and in a cranky mood.  Sorry, folks.


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