i still haven’t found what i’m looking for


Thinking about my last post that waxed a little too nostalgic about past interests, one thing definitely sticks out in the list.  Actually, I think the absence is what sticks out.  Notice not one place on the list included a physical characteristic or descriptive word. No ‘great eyes’ or ‘hot lips’ or whatever other freakish things girls might say about past boyfriends they’ve had.

I guess growing up, before I was 16 or so, dating wasn’t a priority for me because it wasn’t pushed by my family.  I was encouraged to have dreams, goals, and interests that were separate from chasing boys.  I’ve never  been what I would term “boy crazy”.   I’ve been crazy about boys I liked, but never just crazy about the male species in general.

That is not to say that I am not attracted to men, both in real life and celebrities.  However, most of the time I feel like I fall in love with a personality before I have a physical crush on someone.  Most of the celebrities I had crushes on in my teen years would not be considered ‘normal’ by my peers.  It was never a Backstreet Boy or whatever.  And thought I find The Boyfriend, The Friend, and the third person I wrote about very attractive (hotties if you will!), it wasn’t their cute faces that brought me to them in the first place.

I guess this just goes along with a quote from my favorite movie that I find to be so true.  it’s from High Fidelity and the lead character Rob (John Cusak!) says “…I agree that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like.  Call me shallow but it’s the fuckin’ truth.  Books, records films, these things matter!” Ironic isn’t it? I could be considered shallow not for basing my interest in someone on how they look, but for choosing someone based on what they like! It’s always a turn on for me to find someone I think is smart, who likes the same music I do, who watches similar movies or reads similar books and can talk to me intelligently about these subjects.  I like someone who can go toe to toe with me in a debate on anything–pop culture, political, whatever.  I like a challenge, I like to flirt on the edge of a fiery passionate argument.  I like to see the passion in someone’s eyes when they care about something..anything! Even if it’s the age-old Samantha vs. Jeannie debate that I’ve been bringing up with men lately.  To me, what you like is much sexier than what you are like.  What you’re interested in makes you interesting to me.

It’s interesting.  I used to consider myself superior to other shallow girls.  Look at ME, I like people for who they are!  But I am jealous of people who have ‘types’–certain looks that they’re attracted too–because it at least gives them a way to narrow down the field without having to talk, talk, talk themselves to death with time wasters.  I can’t narrow any of the field down by sight, and in order to see if I’m attracted to someone I have to really get to know them.  It takes time, and I certainly don’t mind getting to know people..it’s just that it makes first dates really hard.  It’s unrealistic to expect that I will end up seriously dating someone that I know intimately before I date them.  It’s almost a handicap not to be able to pick out a physical type.

Maybe Patti’s exercise wasn’t a waste of time if I see what I’m lacking–a type–and see that my personality type is very clear.  I like men with my sense of humor, that will have a connection with me on another level.  I want to find someone who has lots in common with me, can make me laugh, and can give me just enough of the chase/argument to make me want them.  I guess I won’t know it when I see it, I’ll know it when I meet it?  Sigh…

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