The Waiting Game


Most of my dating career has been spent denouncing The Game.  The Game includes, but is not limited to, the “waiting game” for calling back. Of course, it’s only a small element of the larger “Game” picture, but in the first few dates the “waiting game” is the most pressing issue.

Every book I own has an extensive chapter on waiting for the call back.  From what I gather, most of the books are reassuring we sad, sad women that we may not hear from these men immediately.  Appropriate time ranges from one to three days following a first date, and always…. always ALWAYS!…. the man should contact the woman. The amount of time it takes for a man to contact you also shows the amount of interest he has, but it can be complicated.  A soon response? He either likes you or he wants ass.  A late response? He either likes you, doesn’t like you, or wants ass. It’s up to you to divine what you will out of what you’re tossed.

I didn’t realize how much I resent the presentation of this information until I was put in a position that didn’t conform to any chapter of any book from which I’m currently scavenging for information.  I got a call back.  Within hours of leaving the date.  In fact, I got more than one, and I got a Facebook status all about me.

I had prepared myself to wait the standard one to three days before expecting anything. And because my expectations were almost immediately shattered, it has made me super uncomfortable.  Like my last post suggested, I am interested, but I am not that interested And after reading the tea leaves, he either likes me or wants a little somethin’ something’.  AHHHHHHH!

I resent that every book I own assumes that each date is doing to go so well, and I am going to be SO desperate, that I will be the one sitting, waiting, wishing for a call.  And of COURSE when the call comes in (or the text!) I am going to dive across the living room to respond.  No where in any of these books is that an article that addresses the situation I’m in. I’d like to talk to him, but I don’t want to seem overly interested, or give the wrong impression. Obviously, if I am supposed to make an interpretation based on his timeline, won’t he be making a determination based on my response timeline? And I feel guilty because I’m playing a “game” that I clearly resent other men for playing. But there are literally no guidelines for me here. I’m making all this part of my “game” up as I go along.

Maybe I’m being overly analytical, overly cautious, or just stupid.  But what do you think? If a girl is semi-interested in a person and they text her within an hour of the date happening, what is the grace period afforded to show that you’re appreciative but unsure of your level of interest?

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again.  ONE DAY I am going to write a book that addresses the real issues twentysomethings face in the dating game, because my needs just are not being met.

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10 thoughts on “The Waiting Game

  1. I creeped from your post in my blog onto yours; thanks for the comment 🙂

    To answer your question here: I personally believe that trying to interprate what someone is trying to say to you amongst analyzing a timeline between whatever means of communication used is pointless. Every human being is different, no matter what the vast majority of votes say in any situation, even if the result is 1 in 100, the person you are communicating with could be that 1 individual who’s different.

    I’m a firm believer in “Do what you feel comfortable with”. If you want to talk to him, you should. You shouldn’t listen to anyone else but yourself when it comes to dating because your own intuition is what matters most.

    So go ahead, shoot him a flirty text or give him a quick call. I advise however, since you are having analytical reservations to keep the conversation short and sweet which will leave him wanting more.

    1. Good insight, and particularly helpful since you’re of the male species.

      I guess my main concern is…I’m not THAT interested, but I am appreciative and I don’t want to come across as a ‘bad date’. I fully believe in reputation, and I’d at the very least like to be known as gracious. So I’m looking to balance being NICE with being…INTERESTED. You know? 🙂

      Thanks Gossip Guy!

  2. Another Guys P.O.V. – Chill !
    Things happen for a reason. It’s like when you hear about couples trying to get pregnant, they aren’t sucessful. Then BAM they stop trying and a few months later she is pregnant.
    Relax, life is a journey, enjoy the ride. I have more fun when I meet people casually at events than when I have to be “ON” while on a date.
    If he doesn’t call back in – screw him and move on

  3. Phil, things happen for a reason? No they don’t. Life is chaotic and random. I hold myself accountable for my results. What good is it to blame someone or something even if it’s true? It’s not going to help me.

    Blonde, I don’t know which books you’re reading – but lets find you some better sources, cause what you’re saying sounds like pooh. You’re analytical to a mania level, as am I, and I love that. I don’t follow female seduction (obv why), but I once read Arden Leigh’s blog and that girl knows her shit. Google. Drop this idea that playing the game is bad, it’s seduction, and people want to be seduced. And fall in love yadda yada yada

  4. Will definitely google, UGA..

    I’m willing to play the game. The problem that spawned this blog entry, I think, was that he called me way too soon and DIDN’T play the game. He texted me before I got home from our date! I was smothered before I had a chance to even see how I felt.

    Your comments are insightful, UGA.

    xoxo The Blonde

  5. Yeah, ala the movie Swingers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZChD_Gni8U

    I think it’s odd to hear a girl worrying about such fine details. Yeah, showing your cards will affect the chase some amount but with a much smaller factor if the genders were reversed. And you’ll want to avoid telling a dude you named your kids and dog already, and planned your honey moon destination… but you showing interest via texting or complimenting will not. In fact, here’s a secret. We men love to have our egos boosted frequently!

  6. I find the whole idea of the game ridicilious at best. Most of the women I know; and being a gay man I know ALOT, hate the fact their men play games with them. Here you are, saying you wanted to play the game. If you enjoy the game you need to go find yourself some playah to play with so you’ll know what the game really feels like; it feels like crap!

    I read him sending you a text message (I’m assuming it wasn’t totally off the wall) as a gesture; a kind of “thanks” for the good time. He wasn’t proposing marriage in it was he? How smothering can a text message be? Mind you; there have been times I get text messages where I’m off my rocker as well (Leave me ALONE! Comes to mind); but that’s typically after I’ve been stalked for a while *laughs*.

    If he is smothering you, tell him, if he’s not paying enough attention, tell him, if you want him to play games, tell him; it’s all about communication girl. He can’t possible know all your likes/dislikes after the first date 🙂

    Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

    1. Great points! I don’t want to play “The Game” anymore, thanks to The Friend…but I also don’t want to be texted three times within 5 minutes of my first date. I’m asking for a happy medium. But….this date happened literally six months ago so it’s not even a big deal now. 😉

      I appreciate your honesty, Gossip Guy! Yes, I do love your advice.

      xoxo The Blonde

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