hello, I love you. Won’t you tell me your name?

I went on a date.

I met up with a person I met at a wedding a few days earlier at a local brewery.  We sat at the bar; I ignored my two drink limit mostly because time extended beyond a two drink limit and I didn’t want to eat. In the beginning it was very touch and go.  The conversation didn’t roll smoothly, but eventually it picked up.  I was my usual self, which was a reassuring feeling.  I am who I am, and I’m comfortable with that.

I realize I need to really think about myself more, because when people ask “what’s your life story?” I must have more than ‘I was born at a Putt-Putt Golf Course’.  Personally, I find this fact very interesting, but I don’t think my date did. The story was all downhill from there.  His story, on the other hand, was at least interesting, though very long.

Mostly, I had a fairly good time getting to know a new person.  At the end of the evening, he paid.  And when he walked me to my car, after criticizing my choice in parking garages I might add, he asked for a kiss. I agreed.  Acquiescence isn’t attractive and it’s something I need to work on in the future.

I don’t know what to say. I have been the Monday morning quarterback since I woke up after the date and it’s just a real head scratcher, honestly.  I’ve had 4 texts from the guy in the 12 hours following the date, and a Facebook status update about me.  The Bride that we mutually knew was super excited to hear this.  And yes, most people who went out on a date would be excited to know that someone is that interested. But coming from someone who went on a date for the first time since 2002…it’s a little much.  I read in a book, I believe Patti Stanger’s Become Your Own Matchmaker, that women fall in love between their ears.  I am a classic example of this.  I’m attracted to friends.  And maybe this is a mistake. Clearly it hasn’t worked in the past, so it’s important to give this a try. But it’s going to take me more than one date to want to touch, kiss, text too often, etc.

And I’m also afraid that my brain is opposed to this very idea simply because it’s such a foreign concept and I haven’t been with anyone aside from The Boyfriend and The Friend and one other person….ever.  I hope that I’m not holding myself back…

Honestly, I’ve analyzed this date to death, really.  I’ve talked to girlfriends, coworkers, The Friend, everyone I can get my hands on.  And I was pretty bummed about it.  I mean, I’m not sure how I’m feeling about it.  And because I don’t feel super strongly about it, I think I considered it a failure. But a friend of mine framed a question for me that really made me reconsider what I had done.  “I mean, did it go well, even if it wasn’t great?”

It went well, even if it wasn’t a love connection.  I am glad I went.  It has little to do with the person, and much more about me.  I got dressed up, went somewhere, and let someone pay for my night. I made conversation, tried my best to put myself out there.  It’s very reassuring that I did all of this.  I took the advice I had gained from the research I’ve been doing…and threw most of it out the window…but still, it was all up there in my mind, should I have needed it.  It wasn’t a total failure because…I went.  I’m pretty proud of myself.


2 thoughts on “hello, I love you. Won’t you tell me your name?

  1. Its not ur fault the date wasnt great, its the guy’s fault. He’s what we call a “chode”. Let me guess he just sat there asking you question after question, like a job interview and naturally u were bored. I’m sure the fact he admitted he has not dated since 2002 was a huge turn off for you lol. Being a recovering chode myself, i am sorry for you. Fun and genuine, non-needy guys are hard to find. Good luck!

    1. Indeed, he did interview me. But its me who hasn’t dated (a first date) since 03.
      I guess I sort of feel like the interview went alright, and they want to hire me, but I’m not sold on their company. 😉
      Maybe you need to define “chode” further for me.

      Thanks for reading!
      XO the blonde.

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